Tuesday, August 31, 2004


This is the time of the year that most parents are breathing a sigh of relief that school has once again opened its doors to their demon spawn. I would be lying if I said I won't also appreciate having more time to myself. I have to say though that I will also miss her .
Granted there are some days that I ask myself if I gave birth to a sloth with a hearing impediment. Do all parents have to repeat everything 4 times or is it just the octave used on the 4th try that I have to learn to use on the 1st? If you know, PLEASE TELL ME!

I thought that her room had a floor when I bought this house....oh wait..THERE IS!...just can't see it but for all her stuff covering every square inch of it. I swear, if we hung a hamper on a teens neck with a lock they would still not use it for what its for. I have started to believe that teen clothes actually have an imbedded hamper repelling substance that makes it physically impossible for said teens to comply . I really have to get my chemist bf Chris to find the antidote...OMG WE WOULD BECOME RICH!!

Let us not forget the constant drive to learn our teens have in faithfully participating in home made science projects in their rooms....oh wait ...wrong again..those are DIRTY DISHES! whose fate is either to take over the world or break from the high pitched scream heard from my wrath caused by seeing said MONSTOCITY in the same place for the last 3 days!

Need I mentions the constant renegotiations worthy of a world summit pertaining to the freedoms and liberties act thus drafted in triplicette , signed by witnesses and put in a strong box incase of invasion? I have held strong to clause 4b. Teen will not have internet privileges on school nights , and clause 7c. Teen will only have authority superseding parent in the week of 3 Thursdays.

We can all bitch and gripe ofcourse but we were all that age once ourselves. Sure sure we were never as bad. They also have it so easy compared to us. It's not like she has to walk 3 miles to school in the snow barefoot...while churning butter...wearing holy socks in need darning, as mittens....and forget not that special time of the month when we had to wear a mini mattress between our legs held by a skin pinching elastic belt that helped only to make the mattress tails, ride up your ass crack and make walking so much easier...ya right.

All jokes aside...I have to say I have a good kid. My daughter is a caring, sensitive person with a wicked sense of humour. I really like her personality...u may think...ofcourse you do, it is your child...I agree that as moms we love our children no matter what..that however does not mean we like the personality they were born with..I have friends that have said asmuch. I am thankfull she is a very likable person.

Almost 14 she has begun the journey of womanhood and has already started blooming into a distinctly unique person. I admire her quest to not follow the mainstream in style , opting instead to find her own thing. Mainstream is fine for most and often far easier to just blend in. My daughter chooses instead a mixture of what some would call a cross between goth and punk lol.Not easy in a small town outside of Montreal keep in mind.

Niether being over the top, I have to appreciate the artistry of it. I have even dyed her hair candy red with black etc but yet again its not over the top. I figure as a parent if I encourage , colaborate and enjoy her quest in defining her own style, chances are she won't need to become a total FREAK like some when they get older. Many had parents who didn't atleast try to understand a need to indentify themselves and/or just want to be different from others........That is my theory and I am sticking to it........Having said all that I now decree it to be a SCHOOL DAY!!!!

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Real Friends Don't Let Friends..............

I felt the need to address something someone wrote about friendship......

*friends dont judge each other they accept each other and their faults*

I do understand to a point what they are saying , please don't get me wrong..friends are to be loved and charished and appreciated...having said that friends are also the ones we can care enough about, to step in and NOT ACCEPT SOME OF THEIR FAULTS...let me give some examples;

-had a friend not come to my aid and just let me do what Iwanted when I was 19 and stupidly try to commit suicide...I would be dead now.
-had I not sat a friend down and said,,WTF are u doing? your on a path of self distruction...and hurt for everyone around you! I do sincerely believe that person would be either dead or a shell of themselves today.....and has said asmuch.
-had I and countless other friends not removed the keys to the cars of our friends who had too much to drink...??? Wonder how many lives were spared because of it.
-had my best friend listened to my FORCED OPINION overcountless yrs about going to the doc and getting her pap test? SHE WOULD BE ALIVE TODAY

I could come up with alot of general examples but these among others are my own personal ones......are they a manner of judging?Yes absolutely! If I thought a friend was in trouble by their own choice...would I try to help and be there to pick up the pieces? Yes absolutely! Do these subjects deal with FORCED OPINIONS on others? Yes they do...but then if we shouldn't ever do that....What would be of the forced opinions about the WOMAN'S RIGHT TO VOTE, ABOLISHING SLAVERY, BASIC CIVIL RIGHTS, APARTHEID, and many others....Aren't all of these things faught for and won, by ppl who forced their opinions on others? ....

I realize I have digressed somewhat from this persons original idea about friendship...but isn't it all somewhat related? I would pray that any friend of mine would CARE enough about me to call me on something I did...or am doing. I know that a stranger certainly wouldn't do it...............

Tuesday, August 24, 2004


It used to be that one must never talk of Religion or Politics but it would seem we should add another topic to the TABOO list under the heading or headings of Moral Responsability, Good Example, Doing the Right Thing or just Choosing the High Road.
These seem to be outdated, outlandish and outradious concepts these days. We have no problem talking about sex , asking for sex, asking about sex ,,,and I am no exeption to that. We are freely willing to answer silly tests that ask questions like...how many lovers have u had at the same time or have u licked ass or have u ever praticed bondage or had anal sex...the list goes on with many more questions I won't begin to repeat lol....seems no one minds answering all these. For the most part in search of the magic number that determines your *freakness, *curruptness or plain ordinaryness lol. Heck I have done them all myself and according to most I can be a super freak lol...the point I am trying to make is why is it so acceptable to talk about such intimate, private, maybe even decedent things yet ,introduce the subject of basic morals and OMG THE SHIT WILL HIT THE FAN.
I say this because those who know me and my partner, also know he recently posted a general but very opinionated letter to a group we belong to. He was courageous enough to state his thoughts about all the crap he has seen and heard about some ppl we know and just some in general....niether one of us is religious...so we aren't bible quoting pions...as a matter of fact he is athiest where as I have my own faith in something greater then me, just not sure what.
His point , although rather heated at the time of the post , was just frustation and disappointment directed towards the more and more prevalent lack of moral bahaviour among us. God forbid pointing out the sad fact of ppl having romantic cyber relationships while still married...or physically cheating on your significant other...basically the same thing as far as I am concerned...(both are intimate actions with someone other then their partner). Lets not forget all the lies being maintained to pull it off. ......WOW..he was quoted the bible lol..by someone apparently offended..thats ironic isn't it. Let he who hasn't sinned cast the first stone...funny I told him that this quote would be used against him even before he sent his post. I am the first to admit we have both sinned and made mistakes a fair share in our lives. Isn't the point to learning and growing, a way to try and make less mistakes and be better people? Not repeat bad actions of the past? Or reaccess what we are doing to eachother in the now? What happened to being a good example or making better choices . Why has it become something to be linged for... how dare you have an opinion on ppl doing the wrong thing. How dare it make someone actually take a step back and look at it for what its worth. How dare u NOT validate reprehensible behavior with all kinds of excuses. ....so if you get away with it, that makes it right? ...someone even said..the net ISN'T REALITY...I almost fell off my chair lmao..wonder if that persons ancestor thought the first conversation on the telephone was actually angels on the other end. Technology makes interaction different certainly but that doesn't make the persons on the other side of the computer any less REAL. ...Heck what happened to fidelity , truth, common sense, acting with pride and honor? Do we stop teaching these things to our children ? Or is it DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO?..As someone pointed out..what others do with their lives is up to them, if it doesn't affect you it's non of your concern. I can understand that point of view...its all over the place..its the same one that causes a women to be raped and no one comes to her rescue. It is also the cause of security in our schools. How does one explain to a child why their parent drinks to oblivion infront of them and is mortified to see then on the carpet drooling (I have tryed in my nieces case and its not doable) ...Let us not be so crass as to actually stop a person from committing suicide..wouldnt that be considered inforcing our opinion on their choice? Isn't our whole society based on laws and values? How often do u hear of *kids these days* have no idea what respect is or manners...isn't all that loosly based on the same ethics of behavior? What happened to actually making the changes needed in your life to make it better? Is it a now foreign concept to pick up and start over if u are so unhappy ...hell I know its not easy but if your not where u want to be chances are the other person in your life isn't to thrilled either. Isn't that better for everyone concerned including children to set a better example? So many have their * reasons* or should I say excuses? But yes I do know there are exeptions to every rule but there are safe houses and shelters and slavery was outlawed many yrs ago. Do u get my point? Maybe not and maybe so...if it has helped to ignite a lightbulb moment, this was all worth it and if its all been for not then
I must be totally wrong about all of it if so many ppl got so offended by the few things stated above... I guess the lessons learned in the new society are immediate satifaction, lets not be resposible for our actions, lets blame the next guy or better yet , let's shoot the messenger rather then ask ourselves why the message offends us?

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Centaur:Centaurs are calm down to earth beings who love the
planet. You like to help people and volunteer
to do many things other wont. You dont care
about credit, however, and feel a good deed is
its own reward.

What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics)


Well a few already know that I am colour blind. Some may not know however that it is EXTREMELY rare for a woman to have this afliction lol. My father is colour blind but for me to also be, my mother also carriered the gene and I guess I was the luck of the draw. Neither one of my sisters are. Oddly enough I only found out about my colour blindness aproximately 10 yrs ago and only because my daughter was being tested for pre-school and they did the coloured dots test and as she is naming off the different shapes she sees among the dots I was like....whaaaaaaa????? I didn't see that!! Wait let me have a better look!!.. the same for next page and next page lol.....I always kinda knew I had a hard time with some greens and browns but this was rediculous. Hense quickly making an appointment with my eye doc.
Some may find it incredible that I could go 30 some yrs being colour blind and not know it but think about it...we all assume that we see what others see and when I was 5 they didn't routinely give those tests to all children.
So the eye doc is going on and on about it being the first time in his 25 yrs of eye service that he has had a true blue colour blind WOMAN in his chair...I thought I was gonna get a prize....it turned out to be a dreaded confirmation that I was TRUELLY colour blind.......and to make doubly sure I was sent off to another small room with another person for a different test..this one matching pastels........OMG ..WHY DON'T U JUST BLINDFOLD ME AND LET ME HIT A BULLEYE WITH A BOW AND ARROW...........IT WOULD BE EASIER!!! ...After this was done , the lady did some calculated comparing and proceeded to then tell me a whole list of jobs I could NEVER qualify for because seeing color correctly was paramount to do these jobs....PILOT, POLICE, ELECTICIAN, BOMB DISARMERMENT!!!! At this point I stopped her...I pretended a shattered look on my face and told her my dream to be a bomb disarmer was just to hard to take....just thinking ..ok I need to cut the green wire!!! not the green wire!! was running through my mind......I will NEVER BE A BOND GIRL!!!...All kidding aside ............The nice lady did take pity on me and told me that I was dressed fine that day.....she really did lol.
I was not to know at that moment how frustrating it could be as a woman to be colour blind. I was trying to explain this to a friend by saying if u think about how its usually the women that dress their families, decorate the homes, wear makeup etc etc etc and even if the hubby isn't colour blind , most don't have much taste or care anyway lol...I am speaking generally ppl I don't mean to offend anyone.
So having said all that, I had to second guess so many things ...I wondered if I had been seen wearing outlandish outfits....clown wanna be ??? makeup days??? ...man I had moments of panic just thinking about it lol....had to separate the cool tones and the warm tones and make sure * never the twain shall meet* and luckily when I went through my closet realized that my classic tastes made it easy to see I wasn't a walking disaster ...except for the few mistakes of (BCB) Before Colour Blindness .....refering to former story about the clothing swap and the orange outfit .......I also always liked to decorate ironically........but luckily good taste isnt dictated by colour ALONE ....I do know what I like to see and when it came to coordinating I seem to have done ok...but I did learn that no matter what I ALWAYS have to have a second opinion to just make sure and help me with what I am trying to do with regard to colour sceems etc.
I shop now and I either shop with a friend or ask for help now...I hate that I can't assume that I see it correctly. I hate that I have never seen the awesome colour of my daughter's eyes. I know they are green and everyone says they are very beautiful. I hate that I will never see the full affects of a rainbow. I only see parts of it. I guess I really hate the lack of control when it comes to what I see and being a woman it's something we take for granted untill we don't have it.
I have to say though ...I love that many things made sense after I found out I was colour blind that didnt make sense before. I know know the reason I could never remember all the trendy colour names my girl friends all knew. (brains don't register things it cant use lol) I know why I was so uninterested in the *Colouring portion of Hairdressing school......(thank god I always worked in salons back then that had a *COLOUR TECHNICIAN* I can just imagine the disasters waiting to happen there..BUT I DON'T SEE THE GREEN TINT IN YOUR HAIR MADAME!!!........................I also understand why I never really got the FALL colours AWE..I see that the leaves turn and I see some reds and oranges but I have never had that OMG look at that feeling like so many ppl I know. ...I am also thankful that my daughter can see ALL the colours and it has become a joke of sorts that she tells me the colour of things now. I am also gratefull thats its just COLOUR BLINDNESS I do realize that there are alot worse things to have been born with. I just have to vent about it sometimes lol...........and last but certainly not least, I love that it is part of my uniqueness and a good sourse of comic banter and jokes.
If anything I hope this has shed some small ray of colour or light onto what it can be like to be colour blind.....as a woman anyway..I can't speak for all the men lol

Thursday, August 19, 2004


Ok I totally gave into putting my pic in hot or not lol..a bunch of us all did it and frankly its been a hoot . At first I thought no way but I rethought about it and figured why not? A few yrs ago I would never in a million years posted a pic of myself anywhere..my self esteem was nonexistant nor would I have been able to handle scrutany . Wow how things can change in a few years lol...I am not really concerned with how I rate, I know that I am a 10 in the eyes of those that count. I guess part of the reason for me was my age and bbw status that forged me forward with this silly, goofy, fun, forward endevour......I mean think about how in the past women of over 30 were considered old ...that has changed in the last yrs with actresses looking better and better in thier 40's and 50's and the old addage *Men get destinguished looking and women just get old* is not true anymore....but lets also face the fact that we all can't afford a personal trainer and plastic surgery either lol..don't get me wrong I realize that not all have had that done and certainly natural beauty is alive and well ...I am referring to what we see plastered all over in media and the like , beauty is what rules the market and society .... I would lie if I said it doesn't count to me but I also feel that beauty starts on the inside and shows its way out. How many times have we had that special pleasure of meeting someone absolutely drop dead gorgeous untill they opened their mouth and u realized they were dumb as a puck.....their beauty evaporates before your eyes and they just become a stupid person be it male or female...(I am so sure some men would disagree with me lol)...we all have our own pride and I am no exception to that. So having said all that and not being what society considered the demographic of the NORMAL I guess being rated 7.9 or less just proves to me that even at 41 yrs of age and not your average sized woman but a BBW (big beautiful women status for full figured ladies on the net) .....I still got it lol . I can enjoy this little extra gleam in my eye and spring in my step lol..and encourage all woman of all ages and stature to be proud and hold your head up high. We all have beauty and we can all have fun with it no matter how u do it....and no matter what silly rating I get or how high and low the score ...the victory here is posting a pic of myself in the first place... I know I will grow old gracefully and with a gleam in my eye never the less ......

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Coming of age

Just hanging around...quietly relaxed. I look at my surroundings. It truelly amazes me how fast things flourish, grow, blossem into being yet if we were to watch it without blinking it would seem like an eternity. I breath in the oxygen, make myself blump. I drink in natures gift of water to let it keep me alive. Our life is so short and fleating so I enjoy all I can. To let the sun kiss my skin and warm me inside and out is to live with rich purpose and free delight. I hope to fulfill all that I can and be the best that is possible for what ever my chosen plan. For I am so proud to be here today because I am the very FIRST RIPE TOMATOE in Chris and Moonie's garden this year!!! .............................Anyone feel like a toasted tomatoe sandwish?

Thursday, August 05, 2004

PLEASE READ...(When was your last PAP test?)

I posted this yrs ago.I wish to share it again every few yrs because it's so important. I think of my best friend often. PLEASE read this. It may make a difference in your life or the life of someone you love.

                             WHEN WAS YOUR LAST PAP TEST?

It’s a Thursday like any other; but at 11:15 am, the phone rings. I notice on the display that it’s my sister-in-law Manon. I picked up and she immediately says, “When was your last pap test?” “I don’t know probably 2 years ago,” I answered. “Well make an appointment NOW!!” she says more desperately. “Yeah, whatever,” I say. “I’ll get around to it.” “I have cancer,” she blurts out. “Quit kidding around, that’s not even funny Manon!” I retorted. “I’m serious, it’s cervical cancer,” she says as her voice starts to wobble and she starts to cry. All I could say was “Oh my God!” She goes on to tell me she’s at her aunt’s and she was having a hard time dealing with it at the moment, she’ll call me later.

As I sat there stunned with the dial tone buzzing in my ear. I thought, this isn’t real. She’s in her 30’s. She’s only a year older than me. This happens to other people like your neighbor’s niece or your milkman’s cousin and the people are much older. Her daughter’s only 11 and she’s my 10 year old daughter’s aunt for Pete’s sake! It’s a mistake. It can’t be. It’s way to close to home!

Manon has more energy than anyone I know, she’s always moving or running circles around everyone. For her, everything has to be in order. I often kid that if she let herself go it would be safely assumed that she’d ricochet of the walls. I get tired just watching her.

Manon is more than a sister in law. We hardly go a day without gabbing on the phone at least 2 or 3 times. She has no siblings so she loves to hear all about mine who live across the country. Over 13 years our friendship has survived more than a few major tests. We are the only two people on the planet that can truly relate with each other concerning the species we call our in-laws. She has no right to leave me alone to deal with them! She’s also one of the most unreliable people I know. Every time she borrows clothes, I don’t see them for months even after countless reminders!

The dreaded treatments have started. The chemo and radiation could bring a horse to its knees. You wouldn’t know it by Manon though. After the first day of diagnosis, she decided crying wasn’t going to help her or anyone else around her. She’s gained a peace and wisdom rare for her age to a point of being an inspiration to the doctors and nurses who treat her along with many other cancer victims she’s come to know, most of which are much older. They look forward to her constant humor, words of encouragement and support. I don’t know where she gets this strength. We’re all trying to be strong but she manages to make us stronger still.

The worse is over for now. The side affects from treatments are quite evident but she’s not complaining. In fact she’s really excited about going away with her daughter and husband for a well deserved vacation. One month after they had a great vacation together, her liver stops functioning. The cancer has spread. She’s admitted to the hospital and we all understand that she’s not coming back out. There’s nothing more they can do. All she says to the doctor and us is « I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid to suffer. I don’t enjoy pain! » We cry and she calmly tells us that it’s ok.

I was able to tell her, while I still could that I loved her dearly and how happy I was to be part of her life. I also thanked her for showing me what strength, dignity and courage are.

I spent what I know now to be the last 48 hours of her life, at her bed side. She died quietly. I had always done her hair through the years so I combed her hair for the last time before calling loved ones.

When I kneeled in front of her casket with tears flowing down my cheeks, I also had to smile. She looked beautiful and at peace. The irony is that she was wearing an outfit that I’d lent her many months before. I would swear I could hear her whisper with a laugh, “Try getting this one back! “
I think if she had anything left to say, it would be, “When was your last pap test?”
by Monette Bouvier September 9 /2000

I wrote this story in 2000 right after my best friend/sister in law died in Sept....I have been meaning to share. If anything positive came out of her death it was to really show me how short life could be and that it wasn't meant to live, being miserable...hense my total change of life within less then a yr after her death . Believe it or not but at 37 I had never had a driver's liscense so I began taking classes etc, I started preparing for the rest of my life...seeing a lawer, making arrangements with my now ex Michel for our joint custody of our daughter , coming to an amical parting of things and ways. We had been together for 14 yrs but having never married the legal stuff was about our daughter and our possessions , no divorse .I then had to shop for my own house to enable me to continue my job as a foster family etc....it was one of the hardest years of my life but it was also the easiest if u can figure that out. I came through all of that with my head held high, my self esteem renewed after so many yrs of not having any at all , but most of all I felt like a new and stronger woman ready for the rest of my life no matter what it held for me. I knew I had done what had to be done and I had acomplished it in the best manner possible........All who know me also know how happy I have been with Chris in my life. I believe everything happens for a reason. I never would have thought I would meet a man like him or be treated the way he treats me..I wish it for everyone ................I still look up at times thinking of Manon with a smile and I tell her...look at me now...bet I surprised you...but thanks for watching over me just to help along the way during those really hard parts...........
So, be happy to be alive... we tend to not appreciate it as we bitch and moan about everyday crap... I certainly do...that is why its nice to be reminded of things like this and the perspective of life at times .......HUGS ALL

As I read this again today Jan/2013...it all still holds so true!...I shall continue to share this for yrs to come...

Monday, August 02, 2004

Where is the damn plunger!!!

ARG!!! I am telling u this blog is not for the faint at heart, it aint purdy and it dont smell so good either lol...I have a finicky toilet...I swear it just likes to fill up with water for hardly any reason at all...seriously, I don't have small kids anymore that decide barbie want to go swimming . or lets see if this ball floats...nor does my border 33 yrs old, stick stuff in there, although mentally handicapped, he isn't THAT stupid....Nope, some days it just decides that u used one freakin square of ass wipe to much or god forbid u went all out and spurged on Charmin!!! I personally think it has a vendetta against ppl that scrunch rather then fold.....we are for the most part scrunchers, why do I know this? One reason is I know I did not raise a folder!! Another reason is cause I asked....I seriously believe folders are on a different astral plain then scrunchers...very odd indeed....PLEASE dont be offended if your a folder...we are talking about toilet paper here ppl!!! Besides I happen to know some very nice folders and we manage to co-exist im peace and harmony !

Anyway to get back to my toilet....it's just a pain in my ass, no pun intended!! I also know there is NOTHING wrong with it excepts its own demented pleasure in toying with my nerves....how do I know this??? WELL.....last yr when my dad was here, he too, noticed how this toilet was mocking us, and figured for sure there was something stuck in it or blocked some how soooooo...he and Chris decided to dismantle the thing, bring it out onto my deck and stick a hose in from all directions they could and *flushed her out...again, no pun intended...to finally come to the realization that it was just a badly designed toilet.....I happen to think the sight was such a funny one that I took a cpl pictures to remember it by, and one night late while looking at them, I in my infinate wisdom of nonsleep and cloudy brain, composed a touching poem in tribute to my dad and Chris that I shall share with u now.


One must stop and ponder
every small moment of wonder.
Savour sounds and smells,
let them liquify into every cell.
Gurgle with laughter,
smile with glee,
like when my dad came to visit me.

I have to say,
it was a fine day.
Till he let it be known
he had plans for my throne.
I have to admit,
when I had to submit.
I felt like a redneck
seeing my toilet
on the back deck!

Dad and Chris
all flushed and determined
had embarked on a mission
to get to the bottom
of the mystery it held
in it's position.
They washed and shined,
rubbed and buffed,
cleaned and gleamed
till that was enough.
They poked and prodded,
emptied and filled.
All topsy and turvy,
untill finally they stilled.

As it came to be
the throne had always been free.
So I gurgled with laughter
and smiled with glee
as I pondered this moment
of wonder for me.
For after all was done
one must consider.
It's very very rare to have
such a clean SHITTER!
......by Monette Bouvier sept /2003 due to lack of sleep

I get all backed up...I mean choked up just thinking about well they work together  Posted by Hello

awwwwe the pleasure of watching my dad and Chris bonding Posted by Hello