Tuesday, September 28, 2004


I haven't posted in awhile as you may have noticed. I guess the best way to explain why is just simply...nothing to say. I have been in a kinda blue funk. Part is obviously due to the loss of my aunt. Another part is the pure frustration due to my diabetes. I can not repeat enough how aware I am that things could be a lot worse. I also understand that many people are diagnosed with illnesses that can not be helped. I am thankful I have a way of getting better.

Having said that , it is still difficult to come to terms with the little things. I am still quite weak and that leads again to fatigue. I know it will take time for the iron pills to give me more strength , the anemia can't be rectified over night. It is also my yoyo sugar levels that affect me in a same yoyo pattern. Be it with the shakes or over heating, dizziness or just wanting to sleep, it becomes somewhat overwhelming along with the stomach aches, nausea, the runs , not wanting to eat when I should and being so hungry I could eat a horse when I shouldn't.

I freely admit to not being the most patient of persons . I am sure some will agree to that , far to quickly I might add . So , if it can't be fixed NOW , I become impatient, especially when it's about me. All this is the perfect example for that. I have to learn the old adage of one day at a time. Make small improvements . Deal with it slowly.

On a very positive note. I met with the dietician. I was expecting a radical diet change with a horde of other changes. I was pleasantly pleased that it wasn't the case. I really liked her way of thinking and her method of explaining the basic mechanics of diabetes . One thing she said though, struck me. I had always falsely assumed that someone with type 2 diabetes could *cure* or *heal* themselves of the decease if they got to that magic point where all drugs were eliminated and weight was healthy , diet control enabled the proper functioning of the pancreas.
Thus making that person diabetes *free* if you know what I mean. She was adamant about saying that once diabetic ALWAYS diabetic. I think I knew that deep down but didn't want to admit it. I had a warning 14 years before by having gestational diabetes , so I knew I was subject to getting it later on in life...and in so doing I held on to those false beliefs concerning this type of diabetes.

To continue in a positive vain though, I was surprised when the dietician told me to go back to what I was used to eating. I have to say that the day my doctor told me the bad news to the 6 days till seeing the dietician , I barely ate anything. I was almost afraid to eat. Ok so it's not entirely a bad thing given my weight but still. I didn't know how to start. You are told that sugar is bad and all carbs. So what's left???? Your first thought is NOTHING!!!...

As I mentioned, she told me to go back to the way I ate before. I have to admit to feeling relief and trepidation all at once. What she went on to say made so much sense and really helped me to release some pent up tension. She told me that for the next week, I was to write everything I ate, down. Also include all my blood levels . To notice the numbers. We would then go through it all together . She would show me portion sizes , sugar intake, separate the different elements all with my own menu choices. Also point out different ideas for substitutes and just slowly tweak it from there. No radical life changes over night, only building awareness and learning new tricks. As she explained, all diets work FOR A TIME then most people give up and go back to the same bad habits. I couldn't agree more as I already stated my opinion on DIETS in an earlier post. They just make people fat and fatter.

I felt oddly bouncy when I left her office with Chris. She was encouraging and I felt that her method of doing this was a very smart one. I certainly didn't get to this weight by having self control so a slow gradual change is a perfect way to get me through this. Making long term changes that will stick makes so much more sense to me. I have also started walking on the treadmill 10 minutes a day , increasing it when I can. Since hurting my back last year it takes little to feel the pain return. It terrifies me to push to hard. Having spent a month not being able to walk was horrible. I know to take it easy and not push ....one day at a time again.

All in all I am happy that I am learning new things and have started doing others. I am so fortunate to have a very supportive partner. He is my champion, my hero, my rocket man, my savior, my best friend, my Einstein, my lover and best of all he is this uniquely special human that loves me with all his heart as I love him.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

MaTante Irene

I was so privilaged to spend so much time out in the country as a child with my grandmother and my aunt Irene. It was the house where my mother grew up, youngest of 15 children. Yes you read correctly, I did type 15. My mother lost her father at a very young age but my grandmother lived on to be cared for by my aunt Irene.

I guess many would have termed aunt Irene as the "old maid" of the family. I only ever termed her as my favorite aunt. She was this cool lady that always had time for me and spent hours telling me stuff. Stuff about the days when my mom was little or how this nicknack and that old photo came to be. My aunt was a modern woman for her time. She was never afraid to open up an old radio and figure out how to repair it or change the oil in her car. She had her own tool belt and wasn't afraid to use it.

In the early days my grandfather had a general store with the country post office, off the house. The store was long gone by the time I was born but the post office was still in service when I was small. I remember aunt Irene letting me play with the big official stamps and pretend I was the post master on a tall stool infront of the counter. The smell of the old wooded floors, ink pads and paper will never leave my mind.

How many people do you know, would let you jump up and down on a bed while pretending to be a rock star playing air guitar with an OLD VIOLIN!! She would so enjoy me doing that , telling me that it sounded better then when she actually played the violin. She'd said , the whole family threatened to start paying her to stop praticing.

The old house was the kind with the veranda all around it. I was always found playing with the white kittens . I can't count how many batches of kittens were born to the old house cat. They were altimately always given away to good homes. Cats were always welcome , given it was out in the country, there were always field mice to contend with. I remember being surrounded by kittens. I had a little red purse that I would stuff them all into and stroll around untill my aunt would calmly remove them before they got squished to death. (I was 3) btw lol.

There was a big field behind the house and when I was still small, my grandmother and aunt had a single pet cow . His name was Little Joe and to call him my aunt did the best mooo inpression, I, to this day have ever heard . Little Joe would come running everytime so we could pet him. Ok, um maybe it was a bull? Childhood memories you know.

One winter my dad, little sister and I made a snowman. I was 5 and sister around 2 . Our snowman was so awesome it turned out to be a bear-snowman sitting on a stump with paws out stretched to give a bear hug. We didn't have a camera to preserve its beauty but my aunt Irene drove all the way into town to take a picture of it for us.

Irene was an avid antique collector. She was very good at spotting a treasure in a junk pile or a fraud on a pedistal. As I got older we spent hours going through her old gramophones and spindles. She taught me how carpenters used the different old tools she had accrued. I was forever fasinated by this glass bottle that had a tiny ballerina in it that danced to music when you turned the crank under the bottom.

I always looked forward to spending time with aunt Irene and my grandmother. I was lucky to have had so much alone time with them both. It gave my mom and dad a break from me when they had a new baby to tend with, I eventually had 2 sisters. To me it was paradise . Weeks in summer or times at xmas. I was always thrilled to spend time there. Later when we moved far away, a week in the summer was short but sweet indeed. I never got enough of spending time with my aunt Irene.

When my grandmother died my aunt was approximately 55 yrs old. She had never married even when she had recieved a few proposals over the years. Do not be fooled in thinking because she was the pseudo *old maid* that she was not attractive. Irene was a very beautiful, tall brunette with big black eyes that could melt your heart. She was also hilarious and full of ingenuity. Always coming up with something, her ideas were unique or practical, one time comes to mind. In the prairies when it rains hard you can hardly see while driving even with the wipers working. One rainy day the wiper broke so she stopped to pick it up, tie the end of it to her arm with a scarf to have more strength then to just rely on her hand. She proceeded to stick her arm out the window to swish the wiper on the windshield to see as she drove. Think about it, if you stuck your head out the window your face would just get plastered with rain . She always came up with solutions.

She had dedicated her life to her mother. After her death she married a man she had known for atleast 30 yrs. He had formerly been her boss way back when she was his head secretary . Over the years always keeping in touch but not on a romantic basis. It changed only after my grandmother died. She was married in her late 50's and I know he made her happy as did she, him. They moved out east to Toronto and by this time I had left home to live on my own so years went by without seeing her.

When I was 20 and already had 4 years of being on my own under my belt , I decided to move out east for a change. My aunt and now Uncle George were both thrilled at the prospect of me staying with them till I got my own place . They lived in a huge seniors complex. When buzzing at the entry door , to any given apartment, the visitor would be on camera in the entry hall that then showed on the recipients tv. I so loved doing a little mime act or dance number infront of the camera for them everytime I came in. Both my aunt and uncle would do the same even if they had the key if knowing I or the other was home. I was in my funky ,styling days back then and decided to get a total brush cut with blonde tails at the nape and bangs. That day I stroled into the lobby again and buzzed the bell , my aunt saw me on her tv monitor. I hear over the speaker system ..OMG you look like a refugee ....thank god I know you.

I had so much fun with these 2 special seniors. They were 2 peas in a pod. Always laughing and telling jokes. Preparing funny surprises for me that had me rolling with tears of merth. As I mentioned before, I had quite a style, I wore wierd tights, ties, a fadora hat, lace up ankle boots not to omit the mention of different gloves with the fingers cut off...many odd pieces of clothes to say the least. Once in awhile I would arrange to go out and party with a few friends I already knew in Toronto. My aunt and uncle knew not to wait up or expect me untill the next day. On more then one of these occasions I would arrive back from my forays to find peculiar effigies of my odd clothing all pined together hanging in the living room on a hanger...stockings with a shoe and fingerless glove and tie all assembled on the hanger. I would fall down laughing as they explained how much they missed me and needed to construct these odd abstracts to help them cope with my absense. All said with tongue in cheek.

I eventually moved on to quebec but I cherish those times and she always spoke of them fondly. For years she sent me clippings of jokes or recipes and boxes of stuff to unpack with glee. I would call her and gab for hours telling her about this boyfriend or that. She always loved to know what was happening with me. We could laugh for hours as we shared old jokes and just talked as 2 women who had spent a lifetime being special to eachother.

My uncle died and she found herself alone so she decided to move back to the saskatawan praires where she had more family .A few years went by as she sang in a chorus group, made funky earings to match her moods and/or holidays. No matter what she did or where she went she was always liked and made friends easlily.

A few years ago, she became sick with a painful and rare desease called CBD=Corticalbasal Brain Degeneration. It quickly started to affect her body and take away her ability to control it. What started off feeling like severe arthritis became worse all over. Although her speech started to slur her brain was wide awake. So much so that even the doctor specializing in this field couldn't believe how she was so present of mind . He was even so fasinated he asked my aunt if she would be willing to let him study her brain when the time came. She told him sure, aslong as he made damn sure she was dead when he removed it.

It was time to put her in a care home. My mom and other aunts helped to pack and go through her things. At one point the phone rings, Irene answered it then hung up after a second. My mom and other aunt asked who it was, Irene said "it was a ??mumble???mumble???????"..they said WHAT? she says "it was a ??mumble??mumble?????" ...WHAT???? again...she says "it was a Hearing Aid Salesman!!"...Even while sick and seemingly out of it, she could always pull a fast one and get you roaring with laughter.

Over the 2 years she was in the care home, she was quickly loved by all who met her. The nurses or orderlys, the physical therapists or doctors, the maintanance crew or volunteers all have funny stories to share about my aunt Irene. A few nurses tell of trading the best dirty jokes ever with her when she was still able to talk. How they enjoyed changing her funky handmade earing to match her clothes just to see her big brown eyes sparkle.

The last 6 months have been the worst. Trapped in a prison of a body unable to communicate or cry. It has been a slow , painful existance. Living across the country, I have not been able to comfort her myself or just be near to hold her hand. I am so thankful and greatful for one of her sisters, my aunt Francoise. She was there through it all to do what I would have and much much more. As the time progressed we all just prayed for her suffering to be over. To leave this earth in a final peace.

Our prayers were answered yesterday September 19th /2004.

I was so lucky to have had her in my life and I could only hope that others had someone like my matante Irene in theirs.

Je t'aime matante Irene gros becs commes toujours. Donnes des becs a mémére et mon oncle George pour moi quand vous les voyez au ciel. oxoxo
translation;(I love you aunt Irene , big kisses as always. Give my grandmother and my uncle George kisses also when you see them in heaven.)
I am adding some pic from the past of me and my matante Irene

Matante Irene and I , 1983 Posted by Hello

my sister Nicole and I , I am the one holding 2 kittens she is the cute one. Posted by Hello

These are the peculiar effigies erected in my honour by my aunt and uncle lol Posted by Hello

Our Snow-bear and my little red kitten purse Posted by Hello

Uncle George and I ...1983, when I was staying with them...kittens pics 1966 Posted by Hello

Aunt Irene and I with my daughter in 1993 Posted by Hello

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Decorating or Doodling?

Anyone visiting my blog may have noticed a few *changes . Some could term this as decorating. I however term it as my way of doodling. Why doodling you may ask . Well, do you remember sitting in class lost in thought and be doodling the front of your notebook ? (I heart ____)(PEACE + LOVE) or puppy's and swirls, fairies and flowers.
I am still the consummate doodler. I can not go without drawing 3 dimensional shapes if I happen to be on the phone and have a pen in my hand. I will be trying to create the perfect box on paper without even being aware of it while trying to write a letter to a friend and collecting my thoughts.
If one thing is consistant its that doodles have no rhyme or reason, they just are. They often just show up and either make a mess or become gaudy but have a charm of their own. This is why I am doodling on my blog lol.
I can stick what ever I want on here . Either sparkling and silly, funny or blue. No matter what it is its fun to do. Gaudy and gauche , whimsical or true, I love just seeing it ...who knew??
Part of the fun is hunting things down, finding something new. For myself or someone else its all great to do. Or when a friend does the same and has found something for you its just as exciting to see what it is wooo hooo. Where can I put it, how will it do? How does this template work and do I need some glue?
Needless to say I am having fun and even considering a totally new template ....gawd forbid lol. So try to enjoy all the bits and pieces that will come and go. I am kept busy getting them all to flow. Although it all serves a purpose, don't you know. As I scan the net for all this stuff, it gives me time to ponder what I will write about , sooooooooooo.................

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Can I just Erase this Day?

Ok, I usually try to make light or funny out of everything. I hope for the most part that I can make ppl either crack a smile or when serious I can make them think. Today however I am just going to ......BE... for lack of a better word.

It has not been a fun day. I had my annual checkup today. I did all the blood work needed 2 weeks ago in order to have them at my doctor's desk today. I sat down and she looks over the results to look up and say...."You are officially DIABETIC"....

CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!.........Yeah you guessed it. I am thrilled. I am totally to blame and it makes me very angry with myself, my body, my world, my planet, my everything. I am also sad, frustrated, scared, and just feel like crying. To top that off with the proverbial cherry..I am weak and tired cause I am "severely ANEMIC"...atleast it explains many things that I felt so guilty about. Having no energy, lethargy and unable to get stuff done is now better understood when diagnosed . Proper treatment can only help with that now.

I must sound very self centered and maybe dramatic at the moment and I would agree. I have been told this only hours ago. I am still feeling the emotions of ajustment. I brought home a blood monitor thingy, 200 tab thingys that read my blood, 200 needles needed to prick my finger 4 times a day. I also have new medication I have to take 3 times a day to control my glucose levels and another pill medication of iron 2 times a day. I have an appointment to see a dietician next week aswell. YAY I am so excited....NOT. ...Now all this adds to the other meds I already take . Yup it gets better....I take something for my under active thyroid and for reflux I need Nexium, and last but not least I take Lipator for high cholesterol. So in all I have 5 meds to take everyday and I am all of 41 years old. I am also responsible for all this. I have been great about taking care of everyone else but I sure as hell don't take care of me.

I hope that other then just a very boring read, maybe this post may make just one person sit back and take stalk of what can happen if they are like me and not taken care of themselves .

I haven't been taking care of myself for many years. I eat . Yes that's it. I eat. I just don't choose what I eat, with much care. I enjoy all foods and I learned yrs ago that diets make ppl fat. I started the yoyo diet plan yrs ago when all I weighed was only 150lbs ...Had I only known then what I know now...but hindsight is always 20/20.

I know that every diet only causes a person to lose weight and then to gain it all back and more . Only 1% of the earth's population ever SUCCEED in any given diet . What eventually happens to many is we just keep getting bigger and bigger. Those odds are hard to beat. I also agree though that I am totally responsible for where I am now.

I gave up. I just totally gave up. I could justify not dieting. I am right about the odds, I studied all the answers yrs ago. I have been on a waiting list for Gastric Bypass. It has been approximately 5 yrs now. I have also used that as an excuse to not care what I ate in the meantime. Granted I never thought it would be this long a wait. I should have bucked up a long time ago. ...I didn't.

I can be proud of only one thing as I sit here today. In regards to my health that is. I have many other things to be proud of but we aren't on that now..... I quite smoking over 4 months ago. I was a pack and a half a day smoker. That is one HUGE battle waged. I gained over 20 lbs since then but I can understand it. At the weight I am, it would be silly to freak about that.Last april I became so sick with severe respitory distress to scare me enough to quite smoking there and then. I hope that this day will help me to get the rest of my shit together.

I have everything to gain ...(except more weight lol) by letting this scare me into action. If anything at all, I should start by caring about me. I am already so blessed to have a man that loves me more then anyone ever has. Who will be at my side during all this, and help me as much as he can. I know some may say I need to do it on my own. I agree that I ultimately have to be the one to control what I do but I also have to face the simple fact that had I all the control I need and the strength to do everything I want...I wouldn't be in this predicament now would I. I am ready to accept help. I need to step up and just DO IT.

I now take a deep breath and hope to god that the few very close friends I have will be there a year from now. I know it won't be easy. I know I will be a bitch at times. Hopefully I can vent that in chat towards the ass potatoes . I also know that all this will make for blog fodder in the future . I hope to make it more amusing then today. Maybe more enjoyable to read then this one...lol...........Today was just one of those days you would erase if you could .

Just bare with me.................

Monday, September 13, 2004

Self Reassurance??

I really needed to assure myself that I was working with a full deck so to speak. I, like so many parents, tend to second guess myself. I guess if I didn't , it would mean I didn't really care whether I was always doing the right thing or not.
Luckily there are so many different resources available today . We can obtain invaluable input and information. Gain a deeper understanding on our own psyche thus better able to continue with confidence and strength for future endeavors.
I am now ready to forge ahead. This important test has opened my horizons and given me the courage to see myself as strong and wise. I found all the reassurances I needed and it feels absolutely incredible! I invite you all to take this important test. I felt the need to share the wealth of its infinite wisdom. If it could change my life, it will most certainly change yours aswell.

Find your inner Smurf!

Friday, September 10, 2004


In an earlier post I referred to our children as demon spawn. Well tonight my daughter proved me right. Her horns veered their ugly head...somehow that phrase sounds backasswards....shouldn't that be, her head veered it's ugly horns?...OK, so it weren't purdy !!

Young teens will start to test the waters, heck all children do from day one. The balancing act parents play is precarious at best. One thing is for sure though. The younger they are the smaller the problem. The older they get the bigger the problems. Now lets face it , 14 is the age of pending disaster . So if ever there was a time to dawn my shield to deflect the arrows of anarchy...it's now....God knows it's just going to get a lot worse.

Now as a parent faced with each new level of the proverbial power struggle, it is imperative I meet her straight on. Whatever she throws at me I can deflect or plan a counter attack using the wisdom accrued by honing my parental skills. That oxymoron in itself can only help me assume I can affectively practice GUERILLA WARFARE FOR PARENTS.

Now its very important to pick your battles. I choose to overlook the landfill that is her room atleast until its laundry day. It's her space . I figure live and let live. I do not make a big deal about the stupid stuff. Sure I have to remind her to pick up her damn back pack in the middle of the floor. I hooked a foot in the strap walking by one time and went flying. A few inches to the left and I am sure it would have taken surgery to remove the dog dish from my face. Then the few times I have walked in through the front door and half way in , it stops short but I keep going so my face gets plastered against the door cause it jams up over a running shoe left just infront of it. I could go on , but I think you get the picture.

Where I do draw the line or put on the armor is when she is disrespectful or disdainful. I will not put up with her using a bad attitude or answer back like I was one of her peers. If I lose the battle now in basic respect I lose the war for the rest of the difficult teen years.

Let me finally tell you what actually happened today. It started off as a very normal day. When she got home from school, I asked her to empty the dishwasher . A little later I asked her to empty the dish washer before I started supper. So as I serve the supper I tell her AGAIN that as soon as she is done eating she better empty the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen. Ofcourse she mumbles yeah yeah .

Now this is a common thing...I know many parents aren't as patient as I but I always have an ace up my sleeve. I would also like to assure everyone that I am not a tyrannical parent that gives chores to my child comparative to slave labor. She does not get up at the crack of dawn to feed chickens or milk cows and muck out the stalls in the barn. Ok so we don't have a farm but still. You won't find her on all fours washing floors in ragged clothes. Or cleaning out the fireplace after she has chopped the wood to replenish it. That reminds me, does anyone know what the best tool is to beat rugs with? I digress, where was I? .....Oh right.....I ask for the basic courtesy's of picking up after herself and doing the dishes ...which means filling and emptying the dishwasher (a luxury I didn't have growing up) and washing up the kitchen and the few things that have to be done by hand.

So to get back to what I was saying. The evening progresses and yes I have asked her yet again, then....... Oh yeah, the phone rings and it is a friend of my daughter's. Can you see my ace showing yet? So my daughter comes bouncing out of her room to ask if she can go out with her two girlfriends. I bet you all figured out what my answer was. A resounding NOOOOO.

Can you just hear the "BUT WHY?"mom. I calmly tell her that I was tired of repeating myself about the dishes when I shouldn't even have to tell her once, given it's her regular chore. Had she just been able to get it done maybe she would be going out with friends. I also pointed out that I had no reason to be nice if she can't also return the favour. Privileges are earned and she did not earn the outing based on her disregard shown at my repeated request.

She went back to her room in a huff to tell her friends that it wasn't going to happen and I am sure to add what a witch her mom was. I then called her out of her room to finally do the dishes. She then told me "I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT!!'".......do I have to tell you it was not in the best tone of voice either? ...THAT was my crossed line.

I calmly went to her room. I told her to shut off the computer and tv, both being privileges she just lost. Then I suggested she put a few clothes for the weekend in a bag. She was going to her dad's house for the weekend. I refused to be treated that way or put up with her ATTITUDE because I had the gall to say NO to her . If she wanted to test me and push my buttons, she had better learn now that she wasn't going to win. She said I couldn't force her to go anywhere and that she wasn't putting any clothes in a bag. I told her that was fine. I put a few things in a bag. Then calmly told her that she had two choices. Either she decided to put some shoes on to go with me to her dad's house or she chooses to continue this bad attitude and realize that as generous and loving a mother I could be, I was also a total bitch from hell if provoked and she would lead a life of total misery for the next week if she had too. You want to play that game daughter, I can play too.....she had 5 minutes to decide what it was gonna be.

She chose to angrily stalk out of her room and proceed putting her shoes on. I am glad so ask her if she is ready to go. She informs me she will be walking. It is across town and it is now very dark out so there is NO WAY she is walking to her dads . I tell her asmuch but she is already out the door in a huff. I take a deep breath , get my keys and start off to follow her. I catch up with her and through the open windows tell he to get in. She says NO....I tell her that it will look pretty stupid if she continues to walk alongside the vehicle while I am going the same speed as her, all the way . She still refuses. So I decide to call her bluff and click on the hazard lights and just drive along side her . By this time , cars are going around me lol. I am as close to the sidewalk as possible and with the windows down I don't even have to talk loud for her to hear me . Half way there I tell her that she can get in anytime. She tells me NO and that I am a mother hen!!! I laughed and told her that she says that like it's a bad thing. Nothing wrong with not wanting her to walk across town in the dark at her age or any age for that matter. She then tried the *I am never allowed to do anything *card. I laughed again and said...none of this had anything to do with that. This was all about not wanting to do the dishes, then being called on it when she wanted something from me. But ultimately it was the buttons she pushed in testing the limits of how far I would let her go. If I let her get away with that kind of tone now and the upper hand in winning the walk battle, I might aswell throw up the white flag now.

So rather then do that, I diligently used my hazard lights , drove at 4 mph next to her ALL THE WAY to her dads. I have to say I am surprised at her determination/pigheadedness. Had it been me, at that age, I would have caved near the beginning from the sheer mortification of the situation lol. I have to hand it to her for persistence in just wanting to piss me off by walking and hand it to myself for not letting her get that satisfaction lol. Once at her dads she just went straight to her room and I spoke to her dad who already knew we were on our way. Needless to say he was glad I did what I did, we atleast agree on most things concerning our daughter. I also repeated the fact that rather then scream at her all weekend I would much prefer we both chill out before things got worse.

Some may not agree with my method. Some may even think it was silly. I believe I handled it the best way I knew how. I earned a few nicks in my armour but I would rather have those now then have huge gashes later . Our children will make our hearts bleed and it is a never ending learning process along the way. I think if we just try to use good logic and persistance, some humour and humility, maintain a mutual respect that will only teach them how to respect others .....maybe , just maybe we can get through the teen years and still have a decent relationship with our kids along the way...........let's hope anyway, it won't be from lack of trying or dropping the ball of parenthood.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Raining Peace

You know those days you wake up and look outside and see YUCK.....You know what I mean, those rainy, cold, windy days that make you want to crawl back into bed and just obliterate it with sleep.

Lucky me, I knew that once all were off to where they were going..I would be able to actually do just that. ...Let myself just crawl back into my bed of bliss on a rainy day. OMG...You know the feeling. The sheer indulgence of getting back inside the blankets. Your legs rubbing against the sheets as you lazily stretch out with a huge smile on your face. FEEL the sound of the rain and wind outside as you enjoy not having to go out there like so many times before. Letting the rhythm lull you into total relaxation as you huddle deeper in your cocoon of warmth and peace. It seems that it's at those times that our bodies surrender to a much deeper slumber. As if a much needed shut down takes place to envelope ones whole self.

It would also seem that when you are actually able to partake in this decedent indulgence of a brain dead, state of wellbeing, one should also assume that the law of nature will dictate a rude interruption to said activity.

The surf is calm as I let it wash up on my feet. Lapping at my toes as I curl them in the sand. Stooping to pick up shells and star fish I notice one waving at me. Going closer I pick it up, turning it over in my hand , it starts ringing. I dumbfoundedly look at this ringing star fish and think....STOP IT!!! STOP RINGING !!.....I throw it back in the water but it continues to ring . Even getting louder now....its disturbing ...it's causing a fog to appear around me. I feel like my eyes are glued shut..no wait ....IT'S THE DAMN PHONE!!!!....

I swear to god....I think if someone called to ask me to be a guinea pig in a medical experiment at that moment, I would agree to have a boob attached to my forehead just so I could HANG UP THE PHONE!!

Instead its a mag. subsciption sales person....and it's her lucky day...I politely ask her to give me her home phone number so I can call her back at her worst possible time of day, be it when making supper or sleeping in. Regardless of when I promised to get back to her. CLICK

Sigh of relief..your eyes are still heavy and you just may be able to find that perfect beach....breathing gets slower , shoulders untense, yeahhhhhhhh it's all good. Hmmmmm

RINGGGGGG!!!!!!!!RINGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!WHAT??? "We are doing a fashion survey on items you may buy in your local....".........I LIVE AS A HERMIT IN A WOOD CABIN IN THE WOODS......I EAT WILD MEAT AND USE THE BONES TO COMB THROUGH MY RATTY HAIR......I DON'T THINK I AM THE RIGHT ONE TO CALL ABOUT FASHION.....snorts then hang up.

Lies back on pillow looking at the ceiling. Ok maybe this can still be salvaged. Take a deeeeep breath in.....then out.........slowly. Ahhhh yes...relax................

RING!!!!!!.........OH FOR THE LOVE OF...sits up....OK, YOU WIN....I'M UP! I'M UP mailto:!!!*&%$@?!&?$#@!

How was your day???

Monday, September 06, 2004


My last story reminded me of another that took place many years ago. Or should I say decades. I was about 13 yrs old, same as my daughter is now actually. It was in the summer of 76 or 77 I can't be sure. I was lucky enough to be growing up in the British Columbian Rockies in a small skiing town called Fernie.

We lived on a small piece of land just outside the towns limits. Part of our land was just forest going uphill with some very big trees, most of which were pine. Some of these trees had such long full branches that touched the ground that once you pushed your way through them it almost felt like you had found a secret place. An empty room that you could hide in or spy with by looking through a small hole in the pines . What a cool fort it made.
One day my friend Margarette and I decided that we wanted to spend the night in our newly found fort. One side of the room was quite flat, considering it was on a hill. It would be easy enough to be comfortable with a few blankets on the flat area. So having decided that we went off to ask our parents.

They mocked us ofcourse. Her by her brothers, laughing up a storm at her expense, saying we would not last an hour. I thankfully had no brothers but my dad had his turn in a more subtle way ... his half cocked smile with the resounding SNORT... was enough to know he was of the same opinion as Margarette's brothers.

We would SHOW THEM!! So we gathered a bunch of comfortable blankets , pillows and a whole slew of survival gear. All of which was absolutely necessary like cookies, juice, chocolate bars, candy, comic books, note pad and pencils, magazines, flashlight and our prized posession was a transistor Radio and lots of batteries.

We hawled our goods up the hill to our fort. It was all freshly swept from that afternoon so it was a quick job to settle in and get comfy. We giggles like the girls, we were all drapped on our blankets flipping through comics, listening to the tunes of that summer on the radio while stuffing our faces with what ever was at hand....not to mention laughing at her brothers haha , they knew nothing the jerks.

It eventually started to get dark so we decided to get cozier in our blankets to just talk and listen to the music playing. We were yapping away when we heard a CRACK! up higher on the hill coming down from the mountain. ...then silence..so we both relaxed and giggles at eachother. Then CRUNCH!!.. there is was again! Seemed closer this time. We both had our ears strained to hear it again when a new song began to play on the radio that went....


Omg, talk about bad timing .As silly as it was, we really didn't need to hear that just then. ...CRACK!!....CRUNCH!!....COMING CLOSER AND CLOSER!!...and the song is getting faster in tempo with the same damn ...


By this time we can hear the thing approuching and we are in eachothers arms, trembling and almost pissin in fear when the steps are SO CLOSE...THE SONG IS AT ITS PEEK...AND ...AND ....SOME BRANCHES MOVE!!! OPEN UP!!! OMG !! OMG!!! ..................it's my DAD!!! with a shit eating grin on his face , says..."So how you girls doing up here???"

OMG you know those times when you could just kill your parents? THAT was one of those times. He had purposely gone way up on the hill to make his way down NOISELY ofcourse, to scare the begibbers out of us...Needless to say after that fiasco, we didn't much feel like staying there any longer. So they were right. We chickened out and by the way, I still hate that dumb song!

Friday, September 03, 2004

Man verses Beast(A True Story)

Through the dawn of time, man has encroached apon natures habitat. It is a constant battle of war waged between man and beast. Cement skyscrapers replace majestic forests. Subdivisions replace meadows and fields. We as humans should be ashamed of ourselves. We as humans should rejoice in the pure and simple beauty of life. We as humans should beware of the revenge of the beast. Mark my words, it can happen. It happened to me.

This was never more true then a few weeks ago, here in my own yard. I have to share this story in warning to my fellow man. Stay vigilent and wary, you never know when they will stike.

It was a beautiful day out. One could not ask for better. The sun was shining with a warmth of comfort with a slight breeze to tickle ones skin. Birds were chirping and the distant sound of laughing children could be heard enjoying this fine summer day.

Perfect days like this were few and far between so I decided to spend my time outside on my deck. I set up my laptop on the patio table in order to get some things done yet still be outside. I was so immersed in typing something out that at first I didn't notice it. Then it happened again, the sound of something falling on the deck. Finally a third time it registered that pine nuts were falling from above. Yet still a forthought was logically tellling me that the slight breeze was responsible for them falling. When a fourth more insistant pine nut fell close to me on the deck I automatically looked up.

As my eyes focused, I was incredulous! Our gazes locked on eachother. Neither moving. You could hear a pin drop at that moment. Face to face I was not sure what to do. I could feel the tension, the anger, the wrath of the beast vearing its ugly head. Plotting his revenge against man on his territory by taking up arms he thought he could win. I remained steadfast and still, not daring to move. Unsure if he has anymore arsenal to use against me I held his gaze. Beeds of sweat broke out on my forehead. The back of my neck became tense. I knew the moment of confrontation was coming. I had to act no matter what.

I did what any self respecting person in my uncommon position would have done. Being faced with a pissed off squirrel standing on its hind legs with his chest all puffed up, hands on his waste and looking down at me from the roof of my house. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly then ...............I FLIPPED HIM THE FINGER! which made him turn and run.

The balance of man verses beast was restored yet again.