YES, WE ARE STILL ALIVE!

I have been remise for sure. Just haven't had the urge to blog for a number of reasons. One being that we have been buy. Online often yes but doing something else.

It was also the time of year that we all had doctor's appointments...check ups, flu shots...yada yada.

Updates......I got the flu....
...........So did Cleo
...........and Chris
Now don't get me wrong...I advocate the flu shot, have been for 10 yrs lol, Timing was just all wrong this yr lol.

I have also been in the works to get a major surgery. Gastric bypass. YES I know...many do not like the idea. I know many how have had it done and have researched it for yrs. Why? because I was put on a waiting list in 1999 to be truthfull. The doc I had, retired, so my paperwork we sent to another hospital and I had to start all over again. With all that, life was happening ofcourse so u put things aside, or it just doesn't become the only thing on your mind.

In 2004 I was finally to see the Doc who does the surgery. Unfortunately, I was so sick that week with pnuemonia that I couldn't make it. It took months before I was able to get through to get more info about another appointment.
Bla Bla, need to fill out a 20 page form now bla bla bla ...

So I had to get my old medical file from other hospital t get al the info needed to fill the new form lmao!!....arg!

And ofcourse LIFE HAPPENS.... u put things aside...u have stuff...you get married....your forget about the pile of papers in the drawer u shoved full of crap...and months go by

SO...finally got to it all again....only because I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. My diabetis, apnea, constant inemia, blood pressure etc etc...was making me more worried. Chris and I both want to be married a very long time so my initial reason for starting this whole process is totally different today then it was 7 yrs ago.
7 yrs ago, I was just a fat unhappy woman in a sad relationship. Wanted to look and feel better overall. and maybe save my relationship.

7 yrs later, I am an extreamly happy woman, with a loving husband and terrific relationship...confident in the woman I am and the beauty I hold for the man I love. Never felt so special...BUT... I am also very sick for just 43 yrs old. I am staining my heart by all the yoyo weight loss with every attempt I go through and I have many complications due to all of it that I didn't have 7 yrs ago. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!...

Here is the DOWN SIDE... the gov has changed the criteria for the surgery..to being accepted only if one has a 55bmi(body mass index) in other words, I would have to be over 400lbs to be eliable now. So if I want surgery I may have to still wait another 5 yrs and even then not know if I get it. They may change criteria or not...
BUT.....ALWAYS A BUT...
If I pay for it myself....or have insurance..I could have it in aprox 2 months!

go figure!

No canada doesn't have a 2 tier system....nuh huh..

I am very proud of my country, but it just makes me mad....that this could be so easy for me if I had money.

Well, Chris' insurance wont pay it, they don't cover that sort of thing, yada yada..so we are going to finance it .

YES....U HEARD ME..... The good knews it , most can be tax deductable...so although it has to be paid for now, we will get some back.

So...as of right now, if all goes well, my date on the surgeons cutting table is JAN 30TH 2007.

I know that sounded bad lol. But honestly as nervous as I am or was before. I have every confidense in the Doctor. We met him a few weeks ago. He was very patient and took all the time we needed to answer all our questions. Also explained the risks and his yrs of expertise without being big headed. He is also one of the few in canada that do it the way he does. Wont go into details lol.

So thats that for my news.

As for the BF... Cleo broke up with him......For all my thoughts of it being hard for her being the first etc...man was I wrong...I think I was the most affected with it lol.
She came home one night...after being with him...shut the front door and calmly said..well I broke up with him.
I was like What? Why?
He was getting on my nerves ...she said...
Well are u ok?..how did he take it? Do u want to talk about it? bla bla bla bla
MOM!...ITS NO BIG DEAL...sheeesh, get over it...It was pretty mutual. We just decided to be friends, thats it.

Um, well,ok...are u sure?...I know I always felt bad when I broke up with someone cause it was hard to hurt them...or just kinda feeling bumbed that it just didn't work out....if u want to talk abou.....
OMG MOM!...GET OVER IT...I AM FINE..REALLY!...

As you can see, I was the heartbroken one in the whole affair...call me a big GOOBER LOL.

IN OTHER NEWS.....

Chris and I have found the perfect hobby together. We play in a 3D chat world together. It's not the one I have mentioned here before. This one is HUGE.. world that has ppl from all over the planet in it. With over 1,5 million members. It is a world onto itself. With clubs, and shopping, and home and land owners...u can enjoy actual real live concerts, of singers, but u see their avatar on stage infront of all the other avatars in the club...there is real land to buy if u want to build or buy a prefab house on it...its endless..you can walk around beautiful places or fly if u want...you customize your avatar the way u want it.

It sounds funny I know..but its really cool. It's also something other then watch tv that chris and I can do together...given I don't go out much. It's a great way to explore something different as a cpl.

We rent a piece of paradise in Second Life...once in there u realize u want a place of your own to go to. Or not. It's up to each person. We rented a lovely place ...on the tip of an island..u hear the surf and the birds. We enjoy the hottub and have invited ppl we have met in there over to sit around the fire on the beach and talk..many cpls from all over enjoy this pasttime.
There are real jobs to be had in SL ...its really amazing...There have been many articles written about SL (second life) One that Chris' mom even sent us from France, written by a reporter on the subject.

If you want more info...let me know.

Well thats all for now, dont want it to turn into a book lol.
Sorry for being so bad at blogging lately. I have been reading all my favorites though..although not commenting most time. HUGS ....

I AM FINE THANKS.....(Physically atleast- Mentally is a whole different story lol)

Well, I got good and told by Kenju that I have been gone long enough lol....and YES I AM OK...Thanks for caring. I was actually surprised that somebody noticed.

I just haven't had much of anything to say. Things with daughter are LIVABLE...she has a BF. Yes it's her first. It's all or nothing with her I tell ya. She was never boy crazy (like her mom). There was rarely a boy that turned her head. She turns 16 and BAMB!..Meets a guy..and starts dating him....All or nothing? Well...from no boys, to a 19 yr old with a nice car and an APARTMENT!...OY VEY!....

The good news is, he works 2 jobs...shares his apartment with a buddy AND seems to be pretty decent fellow. We have had him over for supper a few times. He knows what time I want her in on a school night but I also told him he could stay and visit with her after he brought her home etc....I have tryed to respect her wanting to spend time with him, given his two jobs...and I think she has realized that I am not a monster and she has appreciated that.

I just know the shoe will eventually drop. How deep we feel as teens..specially the first love. I still remember mine. I hope I can pick up the pieces when that happens lol. Untill then, I will enjoy this reprieve from Anarchy

Other then that...my ex's gf ..totally crossed the line. Because of that the little respect I had for him is gone and well, my opinion of her was just reinforced. I will save this for another post. Suffice it to say for now...stupidity and insanity do seem to go well together lmao!

For the few that have kept coming back to my page..thanks for being patient with me.

Whats new with you? lol

JUST GOTTA LOVE EM

No matter how bad we look or feel our dogs love us anyway.

Ok, so does Chris ofcourse but I don't want him to get sick cuddling me lol.

I wanted to say thankyou to all my well wishers. It was so nice of you to drop by to comiserate.
I am feeling much better. The meds are doing their job...and my sweety has been taking such good care of me. The dogs have been keeping me warm for sure lol.

This post comes about because of a friend of mine. She called me crying this week. She has to put her dog down. He is too sick to help and she is doing the right thing so he no longer suffers. It breaks my heart the pain she must be feeling. She has had many good years with her LUCKY so it's easy to understand how much it hurts to lose a dear friend. It made me thankful that for now, my dogs are relatively healthy. One has alergies, other has epileptsi but the are both treated for their probs. So here is abit about them lol.

Honestly, I have such cuddly dogs. None of these pics have been set up. They have to sit on mommy when ever they can. When they can't they have to cuddle themselves...

I swear, ppl laugh when they see our dogs. If we are in the kitchen, they are close by always, but the little one JUST HAS TO SIT on the bigger one. The big one just lets her now, it's part of the routine...we have no idea why little one does it but its so cute.

Here are a few other pics of our k-9 babies...even at when u feel like total shit...pets somehow make us smile. So here I share some smiles with you.

Yes they would both sleep in this dog bed together all the time. It got so stretched and used it didn't last long with washing it also. We opted for the large colourful pillow u see above now lol.

I grew up with animals, we always had dogs, cats..even had horses, rabits and a wild black bear came down the mountain into our yard one spring in BC growing up. With exception of the bear...I always loved having animals around.
When I started being a foster care provider, the first client we had was alergic to many things so we had to go without animals for yrs. It was odd for me to not have pets during that time...ok, fish, but they aren't very interactive lol. When changes happened, we were thrilled to be able to have a dog again. Chris is alergic to cats so we got our dog, then a yr later got the little one...they add so much to our lives. I hope you have enjoyed seeing our critters lol.

I will coin the phrase..Your Turn...used by some blog friends...
Do you have pets? Have u always? ....What kind of pets do u have?

WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS

The good news is that my daughter is much better. She is finally going back to school today. I on the other hand will be making yet another trip to the doctor's clinic FOR ME! this time. ARGGG!

Yes, it just had to happen...I had to get sick this time. Unfortunately I never get colds or flu even...I catch a bug in within 24 hours it turns into full blown Broncitis with a sinus infection...if I wait longer, I develope pnuemonia to make it a nice neat package of MISERABLE , get me an oxygen tent SICK!

On a positive note...I no longer smoke so I hope it doesn't take as long to become a clear breathing human again.

I have been lucky and thankful regardless of how crappy I feel. The last time I got sick, with this was April 2004. Why do I know this? Well, I got so sick that time I thought I was going to die. It got so bad that I was terrified I wouldn't make it. It was also a good thing because it scared the begibbers our of me enough to QUIT SMOKING! Cold turkey. After smoking 20 yrs plus with a 2.5 yr break when I got pregnant with my daughter and made the mistake of taking a damn puff..to start again. I have now passed that 2.5 yr mark of not smoking and know enough to NOT TOUCH it again lol.

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Ok...just got through to the clinic a minute ago to make my NO Appointment=Appointment!...Yes, u read right. We can no longer just walk in to the emergency clinic if we are sick. We have to be on the phone at 8:30am to call in to reserve our place during the day.If I wait and call at 9am, the day will be booked up so I would be shit out of luck and have to wait another day....With the redial digital feature, it took me 14 minutes from the strike of 8:30...and got in for 1:45pm. YAY...I see clear painless breathing in my future!

As Chris works tomorrow and all weekend, I am releaved that I will have started antibiotics tonight. Hopefully start getting better rather then worse while caring for my guys with no help.

My husband (giggle) is so good to me..he has done everything to make things easier for me ontop of take care of ME...and he can even type in stuffed nose mode to make me laugh..while sending me a message from the pc downstairs...I thought it was jibberish, till he came upstairs and read it back to me ...sounding like me reading it with my stuffed up head....after I slugged him, I squeakingly laughed my head off lol!

It just kinda sucks this time of the year...when u know the long cold winter is afoot and u get sick ontop of it..whether it be a pesky cold or flu or more...it's like getting a kick when your down lol.

The Flu shot is next month! ....I for one have gotten it for the last 8 yrs atleast. It has made a HUGE difference to me. I won't go without it. My clients also get one. I used to get sick atleast 3 times a yr (with antibiotic for pneumonic and broncitis everytime) before I got the shot. Since I get the shot. I have gone as little as one year and as long as 3 years without getting sick. So huge improvement for me.

Have u been hit with an Automne bug yet? Do u get a flu shot?

I'VE BEEN BUSY IN BOTH 3 AND 4D

It's been a busy week here in the 4th Dimentional front. I had a few appointments to tend to with work and clients. It's also that time of yr when all the maintenance updates kick in. Like Doctors annual checkups..Flu shots...Dentists...Pap Smears....OK I am the only one getting that but basically, we all need our tune ups before the year is out lol.

On that note...my daughter is sick. She either has the mumps or an absess...with a side of Mono....yes, u heard it...MONO! Good Grief!....Will know more today...had a bloodwork done yesterday, go back to doc's today. Fingers crossed it's not Mono..thats a long recovery sickness and not great for a school year, let alone a graduating one...sheesh.

So when able ...I am still having fun amusing myself in the 3rd Dimention. This 3D chat is something else. I have been having so much fun showing some of my friends around in there. Chris has his avatar too so me and the hubby get on together for shits and giggles. Are we being silly? Certainly some may think so...or even juvenile...if you happen to think so, well all I can say is THANK YOU. HEHE

IMVU - The World's Greatest 3D Chat

I figure at our age, we earned the right to do just that. I certainly hope we will never be to old to do SILLY and enjoy things like kids sometimes lol. I have gotten many comments so far from ppl who clicked on the program and tryed it out....most LOVE IT... I say most because I haven't gotten feedback from everyone yet lol.

Other then the endless catalog of things to shop for (yes I to like to shop) to add to your avatar's wardrobe and accessories....the BEST fun has really just been chatting again with some old friends. I have become so disenchanted with Chat in general over the last cpl yrs that I hardly did it anymore. This however is different...its pretty cool and although it's still a form of chat...u can only get a kick out of it. Chris' daughter in France and my niece both have chatted with us and as odd as it seems...its fun to see Chris with his daughter in 3D...hug eachother. It's better then typing hug in a text box for sure lol.

So if u haven't yet tryed it...u just have to take a whirl..it's free. Come join me and I will show u around if u want. Click on the link and after registering u will automatically be put in my buddies list...just send me a message in my homepage saying u want a tour. It would be my pleasure!

IMVU - The World's Greatest 3D Chat

EDIT:...Tests came back...the good news is no Mononucliosis..bad news is a very bad absess...had to get stronger antibiotics because after 48 hrs with the other ones, there was NO effect..if in 2 days with the stronger meds, there is still no change, we have to take her to the hospital on saturday to have them treat her by IV. She can barely swallow poor thing her throat is so swollen...so send healing thoughts our way..she is miserable and in pain...cpl that with being a teen..well...she is on the verge of death.....Um could u send some thoughts of endurance my way while your at it?

3D CHAT...WHAT A HOOT!

For some of you out there who may indulge in some form of chat...You WILL get a real kick out of this. I know I am.
IMVU - The World's Greatest 3D Chat

I rarely chat in chatrooms anymore...but I do like to keep intouch with a few of my old chat buddies in PM's (private messages). Over the yrs I have made some really good friends from chat, and yes, even met my husband online, through chat. U JUST NEVER KNOW...lol.
But when a friend showed me this, I checked it out and had so much fun just dressing my avatar and checking out how it works. It is not yet well known but they have many countries chatting on it. It is so cool and different I amused myself all afternoon. My name in there is Moonmisttt.....big stretch I know lol....if u click on my avatar on here or the heading above it, I will be added to your friends list in the IMVU..if you don't want me there u can just delete me when u get there lol.

BE SILLY, HAVE FUN...
....THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS...REALLY!

WELCOME to QUEBEC and the Places we showed Mom and Ben

Let me give you a small guided tour of some interesting places to see if you should ever be in my neck of the woods.
The 4 days my mom and her hubby Ben were here, we tryed to make their stay interesting and fun. Luckily we had beautiful sunny fall weather. Couldn't ask for better when walking outside doing the touristy stuff. So ofcourse, being Montreal, we went to the Old Port of Montreal and walked around.
This is one of the streets in the old part of Montreal
Ben, Mom and I infront of the Notre Dame Basilica ..I suggest u click on that to see the website...the inside of this very old church is breathtaking. Although not religious myself..I can only appreciate the master craftmanship of the ppl who built it.
So here you have Montreal. I found a link to various LIVE CAMS if you're interested..bare in mind that these cams usually have one minute or 30 second delays but I find cams like these all over the world fascinating.

Next we travel to QUEBEC CITY...This photo of Ben and Mom was taken inside the lobby of the CHATEAU FRONTENAC HOTEL
It has boutiques to see and a huge boardwalk looking down towards the old buildings below and the water front...breathtaking indeed.
Last but not least. On the last day here we were taking them to the Montreal train station where they were to travel by train aprox 3 hours to Ottawa to spend 4 days with my sister Brigitte....We had enough time to walk downtown Montreal but also give them the experience of shopping underground. DOUBLE DECKER CITY is what it is sometimes referred to. You can shop for blocks and blocks under ground. Use the underground Metro (subway) and never come outside. Granted walking down St. Catherines mainstreet in Montreal is fantastic on a clear day..BUT our winters are YUCKY! AND COLD! So, it's pretty cool that u can still access all the big stores and hundreds of small boutiques from key Metro stations and never have to pop your head outside.

So this concludes our tour of some of Quebec's tourist attractions ....I feel I should warn you that if u ever have the chance to visit some of these locations...my mom and her hubby Ben WON'T be in the background lol....I ajoined links to all the places I mentioned, so have fun exploring.

Have any of you been to Quebec? If not, have u been to Canada? If so, Where? If not...well, would you like to visit our country?
I would love to know where you are from if you care to share...

MY MOMMY IS GONE...WHAAAAAAAA

Well it's been a busy week. Mom and my step father Ben arrived last Sunday and we were kept busy all week. We were thrilled to show them around and just spend precious time together. I will post pics of the places we went in my next post.

Mom's last visit was 16 yrs ago...rest assured that I have been to see her over the yrs. Not often mind you...In the past 20 yrs I have seen her 6 times...not alot under any circumstances but we are avid phone talkers lol.

I thought I would post a few then and now pics...

Sixteen Years Ago...mom with my daughter at 6 weeks old... Then...

Mom with my daughter at 16 yrs old... Now...

Mom, Me and Cleo ....Then...

Mom and Moi.(not doing myself any favours here arrrgggg!)....Now...

Thought I would add a pic I found of me with my grandmother when I was 6 weeks old also lol....


From childhood to adulthood...I think many of us feel that same familiar twinge of the little person inside of us no matter how old we are at certain moments in our lives.
For me over the yrs, not seeing my parents often because I live so far away....those moments in time when saying goodbye....when your trying not to cry....and your waving....I feel like that little girl again...wanting my mommy or daddy to stay....Then it's time to turn around and walk away...shake it off..brace the shoulders and be a grownup again. I'm in my 40's afterall lol.

Do any of you have those moments still? or am I a big baby? lol

16 YEARS AGO TODAY

I gave birth to a beautiful daughter.

I know I know, some of you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking..OH Brother...another mother going on about giving birth story lmao!

Well suck it up...16 is a milestone year..the next one will be...hmmm when she Graduates? Marries? Gives birth? ...heck if I know...could be awhile at any rate. So here it goes.
One of the photos to follow may for some reason offend some ppl out there ..WHY? Because somehow the idea of woman doing one of the most natural things in the world , done since the dawn of time.BREAST FEEDING..for some unforsaken reason, make some ppl uncomfortable. So be forewarned. It is the only pic I have of her on the first day I saw my daughter. I had a C-section so the very next day when I was able to sit up I wanted to bond with her as soon as possible. Hense this pic....

Bare in mind I just woke up from a C-section a short time before this. I was terrified as first mothers often are. Yet when she was put in my arms...I felt calm. Like somehow I would know what to do. The days that followed, I certainly didn't feel so confident but I seemed to muddle through. I was able to breast feed for 6 months and I would recommend it for anyone asking.

Look at that face ...what a cutey!


Look at that face.....what a beauty!




She has become such a beautiful person. Inside and out. She strives to be individual and does it with panash. She is funny, smart and headstrong. All reasons why we often clash as she and us go through these difficult teen yrs. As many parents could testify...Going through the teens can be trying at best lol.
On a positive note...my baby is SWEET 16 TODAY!....JE T'AIME MA BELLE!et BONNE FÊTE!!

ARE BASIC MANNERS JUST TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Chris and I were able to go out lastnight. We were happily sitting in a resturant talking when a person at another table caught our eye. Our faces turned incredulous as we witnessed a young woman holding up a compact mirror. To apply lipsick or make a quick check of her face u may ask? NOOOOOOOO... it was to better help her see while she openly dug in her wide open mouth with a toothpic, lip also pulled sideways ...fruitlessly forging for food matter! Gets even BETTER....why?...because she had....BRACES!...YES FOLKS....IT WEREN'T PURDY.

COMMON!!! Am I out there for thinking this was WAY out of line?...She was in a public resturant. They have bathrooms. I don't think its appropriet to be doing that infront of others. Geez. She was around 20 yrs old I think, and was with 2 older adults. Parents? maybe or even friends... Either/or, had I been with her I would have told her that it's not something one should do in public...do it in the washroom if urgent, or wait till u get home for pete sakes.

Some may say we should have just turnd our heads and ignored it. We eventually did but we were hard pressed, as she was holding up her arm with compact trying different angles for BETTER LIGHT! She might aswell had a blinking light arrow pointing to her head saying LOOK AT ME BE RUDE..
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Once we went to a buffet resturant with friends. While I was about to leave the buffet with my plate, my friend quickly asked me if I would be so kind as to bring her plate to the table also. I said sure, thinking she was going to get herself a salad to accompany it.
As we sat down and waited for our friends before starting to eat. We were taken aback by my friend coming to the table. She had not gotten herself a salad. She had completely filled up 2...yes TWO more plates!
I personally had never seen anyone do that before. I couldn't believe it. Nor could Chris. We kept our mouth shut cause actually words left us at that moment. I mean, the buffet wasn't going anywhere. If you're still hungry after one plate, go back for more. But to surround yourself with 3 heeping plates was pure glutony and rude. She didn't eat everything..as much as that is a relief, the fact that she had no regard for all the food she wasted was also beyond me.
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On a positive side. Last month as we ate at a resturant, a family came in. As soon as they were seated, the dad removed his baseball cap and his young son followed suit with the same action. We were both surprised to see this as it is so rarely done these days. What a welcome show of manners. What ever happened to the days that men removed head wear inside? Many would argue it doesn't change anything to have it on or off. They are right...I guess it boils down to the way a person was raised.
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Don't get me started on cell phone ediquette either...having to hear a loud talker next to me in public grates my nerves. Or watching someone bla bla bla while dining with someone sitting right across from them is just too rude. I understand exeptions ofcourse but still. I have had to tell my neice more then once to turn off the cell while we eat. Whether it be in a resturant or at home. I find it rude while we eat.
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Seems rare to see someone just hold the door for someone behind them. What is so hard about that? Am I more sensitive to these things now or are ppl just becoming more rude? Honestly...I just don't know.
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Three questions....
Have u seen blatant rudeness or very bad manners in public that made your jaw drop? If yes, what was it.
Am I alone to think that manners are fewer and far between these days?

RED CARPET EVENT!...MY MOM IS COMING!!

Yes ppl, this is an event. My mother is coming to our home 2 weeks from tomorrow. For some it's no big deal. Or it's just a normal occurance. For me...well...
The last time my mom came to my home was when my daughter was 6 weeks old. This was 16 years ago! My daughter will have her 16th bday just 4 days before she arrives. So you get the picture? I had to give BIRTH for her to come over!
NO I AM NOT GIVING BIRTH THIS MONTH..(the boutique closed 16 yrs ago)....just to make that clear. But u do see how this could be termed an EVENT.
Let me explain abit more. My mom lives across the country. It is a 5 hour flight away. Or a 5 day drive, lol, which ever you prefer. (I don't need zeelots...telling me they did it in 3...I did it in 6, so sue me) depends how many times u need to pee on the way I guess. whatever..its a long ass drive.

My mom is also one of those ppl who hates... I mean HATES! to fly. It's a phobia and I can understand and respect it. Although I can travel by air, I don't particularly enjoy it. It's just to convenient and expedient to not use. I grin and bare it till it's time to get off and breath a sigh of relief that it's over. My mom and a sister are both paralysed by the thought. They have both done it in the past nonetheless but the stress level they live with from the moment they have it booked, to the moment they land back home is horrible. I said back home because what ever holiday they are on, all they can think about is the flight back home. It's no fun. It's also the reason my sister wasn't at my wedding.

My mom explained it best once by saying, ppl who have a phobia of flying don't just THINK they will crash....they KNOW that they will crash. Irrational or not, it just is.
This pretty lady is my MOM

But this yr, mom decided that she would make the trip because it was about time she did....Her husband will be coming with her which is nice too. He can hold her hand (I don't envy him for a second).

I think we will need a few spatula's to scrape my mom off the floor of the plane when we get there to pick her up. The last time, she was on the tipsy side and I can't say that I blame her. But she was alone that trip. I think with her hubby along for physical and moral support, she will empty all the cute little liquor bottles they have.....(wondering if I should inform airline to stock up)
Anyway, it should be interesting but hey, whatever gets her here works for me lol.

I am so glad Chris has met my mom. He hasn't however, seen her drunk....I am so relieved that he married me BEFORE he finally does!

All that aside, it will be great to have her here with her hubby Ben. We plan alot of stuff for the 4 days they will be here. Then she is off to my sister's place 3 hours away for another 4 days. Sis is thrilled too. Will be weird to have our mom in the same hemisphere as us for a change lol.

Are u afraid to fly? Do you have loved ones u hardly see because of it?

Stupid or just STUPID!?

This week in my life.

The 5th was my baby sister's bday. She turned 38 this week (sorry for telling sis) lol. BONNE FÊTE MA SOEUR!
When it's her bday, it's my half bday lol. We were both born on the 5th..mine is in march so exactly 6 months between our bdays. I don't celebrate it lol but it does put a skip in my step..and I sing the Happy Half Bday to me song in my head lol.
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Another priceless conversation with a caseworker. This one with the social worker who tends to not the clients, but our needs so to speak. She called to catchup after the summer.
Her...So how was the summer? Clients good? Same ole same ole?
Me....Yup, all is good, everyone had a good summer.
Her...Oh you got married too didn't you? How was it? Did you go away?
Me....Everything was beautiful yes, had a great time...and we went away for 5 days for our honeymoon.
Her...Did you have a sitter stay with the clients?
Me....No, we left them alone in the house for the whole 5 days.
Her...........................pause.........
Her....HAHA very funny...I guess I asked for that one..haha
Me.....Yes u did. (incert eyeroll and head shake here)

Let me remind u all that I have a 42 yr old blind, mute, epileptic with the mental capacity of a 6 month old.......That SHE...helped place in my care.....nuff said?

Anyone ever ask u such a stupid question you just had to answer?

I HOPE YOU READ THIS

I posted this 2 yrs ago.I wish to share it again. This is the month I think of my best friend the most. PLEASE read this. It may make a difference in your life or the life of someone you love.

WHEN WAS YOUR LAST PAP TEST?

It’s a Thursday like any other; but at 11:15 am, the phone rings. I notice on the display that it’s my sister-in-law Manon. I picked up and she immediately says, “When was your last pap test?” “I don’t know probably 2 years ago,” I answered. “Well make an appointment NOW!!” she says more desperately. “Yeah, whatever,” I say. “I’ll get around to it.” “I have cancer,” she blurts out. “Quit kidding around, that’s not even funny Manon!” I retorted. “I’m serious, it’s cervical cancer,” she says as her voice starts to wobble and she starts to cry. All I could say was “Oh my God!” She goes on to tell me she’s at her aunt’s and she was having a hard time dealing with it at the moment, she’ll call me later.

As I sat there stunned with the dial tone buzzing in my ear. I thought, this isn’t real. She’s in her 30’s. She’s only a year older than me. This happens to other people like your neighbor’s niece or your milkman’s cousin and the people are much older. Her daughter’s only 11 and she’s my 10 year old daughter’s aunt for Pete’s sake! It’s a mistake. It can’t be. It’s way to close to home!Manon has more energy than anyone I know, she’s always moving or running circles around everyone. For her, everything has to be in order. I often kid that if she let herself go it would be safely assumed that she’d ricochet of the walls. I get tired just watching her.

Manon is more than a sister in law. We hardly go a day without gabbing on the phone at least 2 or 3 times. She has no siblings so she loves to hear all about mine who live across the country. Over 13 years our friendship has survived more than a few major tests. We are the only two people on the planet that can truly relate with each other concerning the species we call our in-laws. She has no right to leave me alone to deal with them! She’s also one of the most unreliable people I know. Every time she borrows clothes, I don’t see them for months even after countless reminders!

The dreaded treatments have started. The chemo and radiation could bring a horse to its knees. You wouldn’t know it by Manon though. After the first day of diagnosis, she decided crying wasn’t going to help her or anyone else around her. She’s gained a peace and wisdom rare for her age to a point of being an inspiration to the doctors and nurses who treat her along with many other cancer victims she’s come to know, most of which are much older. They look forward to her constant humor, words of encouragement and support. I don’t know where she gets this strength. We’re all trying to be strong but she manages to make us stronger still.

The worse is over for now. The side affects from treatments are quite evident but she’s not complaining. In fact she’s really excited about going away with her daughter and husband for a well deserved vacation. One month after they had a great vacation together, her liver stops functioning. The cancer has spread. She’s admitted to the hospital and we all understand that she’s not coming back out. There’s nothing more they can do. All she says to the doctor and us is « I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid to suffer. I don’t enjoy pain! » We cry and she calmly tells us that it’s ok.

I was able to tell her, while I still could that I loved her dearly and how happy I was to be part of her life. I also thanked her for showing me what strength, dignity and courage are.I spent what I know now to be the last 24 hours of her life, at her bed side. She died quietly. I had always done her hair threw the years so I combed her hair for the last time before calling loved ones.

When I kneeled in front of her casket with tears flowing down my cheeks, I also had to smile. She looked beautiful and at peace. The irony is that she was wearing an outfit that I’d lent her many months before. I would swear I could hear her whisper with a laugh, “Try getting this one back!''

I think if she had anything left to say, it would be, “When was your last pap test?”by Monette Bouvier September 9 /2000
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I wrote this story in 2000 right after my best friend/sister in law died in Sept....I have been meaning to share it with you. If anything possitive came out of her death it was to really show me how short life could be and it wasn't meant to live being miserable...hense my total change of life within less then a yr after her death . Believe it or not but at 37 I had never had a driver's liscense lol so I began taking classes etc, I started preparing for the rest of my life...seeing a lawer, making arrangements with my now ex Michel for our joint custody of our daughter , coming to an amical parting of things and ways. We had been together for 14 yrs but having never married the legal stuff was about our daughter and our possessions , no divorse .I then had to shop for my own house to enable me to continue my job as a foster family etc....it was one of the hardest years of my life but it was also the easiest if u can figure that out. I came though all of that with my head held high, my self esteem renewed after so many yrs of not having any at all , but most of all I felt like a new and stronger woman ready for the rest of my life no matter what it held for me. I knew I had done what had to be done and I had acomplished it in the best manner possible........All who know me also know how happy I have been with Chris in my life. I believe everything happens for a reason. I never would have thought I would meet a man like him or be treated the way he treats me..I wish it for everyone ................I still look up at times thinking of Manon with a smile and I tell her...look at me now...bet I surprised you...but thanks for watching over me just to help along the way during those really hard parts...........So, be happy to be alive... we tend to not appreciate it as we bitch and moan about everyday crap... I certainly do...that is why its nice to be reminded of things like this and the perspective of life at times .......HUGS ALL

FIX IT...ALREADY!

We didn't have internet yesterday...ALL DAY!...

It's not like I have to be online but when you CAN'T you just want to.

There was a time when I kept sane by coming online to chat with friends or in chatrooms. Being so isolated working at home, it was what kept me going during some difficult times in my life. Now I rarely go into chat rooms. When I do, I become so disappointed at how adults act...there are so few coherant ppl in them now I have to wonder whether chat just changed completely or did I? Apart from a few glimmers of intelligent life, it would seem that most just check their intellect at the door...(if they have it to begin with is questionable)

Anyway.. these days, I usually have my laptop near by to either play a few favorite games, read blogs, or check and send email and yes sometimes I actually do a blog post lol. Nothing really life altering.

But having that option taken away yesterday...made me realize how easy we become hooked to something. I used to be that way in the days of chatting but I thought I had gone way past that. On holidays or when I can actually get out of the house, it never even crosses my mind unless something cool or interesting happens and I think of it being a good blog post. I guess just knowing I couldn't do my normal routine put a kink in my day lol.

Are u internet hooked? Or are u the once in the blue moon internet surfer? Would it bug u to lose it for awhile?

BANK LINE SALES PITCH FROM HELL!

I have to go to the bank today and for some reason as I was pondering this I remembered an incedent that happed a cpl years ago in this particular bank.

My girlfriend liz and I were in the line waiting our turn for the teller. It was a particularly busy day, so the line was a long snake tamed between the confines of the roped fence.

Liz and I both do the same work as foster familys for mentally handicapped adults. We were trading war stories and talking about lots of different things to pass the time as we waited.

All of a sudden the woman in line behind us, interrupts us. All smiles, she says ''I couldn't help but over hear u talking ladies. If I may, could I introduce u to some products that could change your lives? Make you healthier but most of all, help you to lose weight!''

We were actually dumbfounded! I just looked at the woman, trying to keep from actually frying her to a crisp with my lazer charged eyes.
Liz however just muttered a slight ''Oh?'' for lack of a better thing to say.

As most who have seen my photos, knows I am far from being a slim woman. My friend Liz is the same. Struggling with weight issues is not fun and anyone who knows that can agree. I digress....as a matter of fact Liz and I did not utter a word about our weight or any diet we may or not have been trying out as we talked in the line. Neither of us knows where she got her segway to interrupt us. We figured just being so near two fat chicks triggered dollar signs in her frontal cortex, hense the pounce.

We just stand there in a line full of ppl, not wanting to make a scene, as this woman continues her speel. I am calmly seething btw. Liz is trying to be polite but turning redder by the second. Then out of a shopping bag , the lady produces this BIG ASS album/binder! With photos of before and after ppl and the products etc etc. She can tell by now that I am not being very perceptive...so hones in her claws towards Liz.

As we are coming to the end of our rope (in more ways then one) the woman hands us her card with glee. I gladly take it.

We get our banking done and on our way. I was hoping to catch the lady outside the bank but no chance. I was comforted by the fact that she gave me her card. (wicked grin)

I waited an hour to call. She answered. I reminded her I was one of the ladies of the bank. She was thrilled that I would call! I could hear the CHA-CHING in her voice.
I calmed said this;
''For future reference I sincerely hope you NEVER assault anyone in public again!''
''Um what? Um I um''.....she mutteres
'' As far as I am concerned u assaulted us. You were not solicited by us for your product. Nor did we invite you to show us anything. You ignorantly assumed because we are heavy women that u could *save* us or *teach* us, not to mention *sell* us products. What if we are perfectly content with the way we are? Or what if I told you that I have lost 100lbs already on my own terms, and because of that I felt fantastic about myself! (niether is true but I was making a point).
Then in the middle of a crowded bank, UNINVITED BY US! you start showing me and my friend your HUGE binder of products and photos. How is that supposed to make us feel! Who in the world do u thing you are to do that to ANYONE!..It was humiliating and uncalled for!
Let me suggest to you right now to NEVER do something so stupid again. I was planning to report you to the bank for your unsolicited harrasment while we were being held hostage in the bank line . I am also of a mind to call your superior to complain. I can only imagine he would find it interesting that u had the balls to do that and hopefully sell products but I don't think he would appreciate the bad press if I were to submit a story in the local paper not to mention the negative word of mouth generated by it.''

'' Um er, I didn't realize ....but u invited me to continue.''

''We did no such thing! We were like 2 deer caught in the headlights. We had no opportunity to stop you once you started and frankly given our predicament of being trapped like mice in a maze of ppl. We both acted with as much class as we could. Something you obviously know nothing about. I just hope that in future , if you try that again, you won't be as lucky. Someone else may not care how it looks if they took your Binder and shoved it where the sun don't shine!''

Click!

Have you had anything out of the blue happen to you? Or seen jaw dropping bad behavior? Share some stories lol.

SCHOOL...FINALLY!

Tomorrow marks the start of another school year. THANK GOD!...

Don't get me wrong, I was never a parent who couldn't wait till my kid started school. I actually enjoyed her constant presence during the summers and dreaded the end knowing she wouldn't be around as much. Ok, so I was using the excuse of her being home to make mud pies and finger paint...so sue me.
I am the first to empathize with moms who have more children who look forward to some well deserved quiet time lol.

This year is different. School could not begin fast enough as far as I was concerned. This past summer has been very difficult. As I have previously written about. Her new group of friends and this need to experiment with ilegal substances has been very hard to manage to say the least. The brilliant parent I previously thought I was is barely keeping afloat above the level of overwhelming emotions washing over me on any given day.

School will certainly not solve all the problems we are dealing with but it will hopefully help somewhat in keeping her busy. And my mental health somewhat intact....(no comments from the peanut gallery)

School equals routine, schedules, obligations and so on. We have also signed her up for more dance classes. Her choice being Street Jazz this year.(I think STREET whatever, would have been atractive to her lol) She's also renewing her piano lessons and plans to keep her weekend job at the chinese resturant doing dishes . All these things along with school can hopefully help us reclaim a semblance of control. Keep her BUSY BUSY BUSY I say. While she is doing all that, I know where she is and who she's with.

This is also the year she will graduate. Where has the time gone! My little girl will be graduating from highschool! WOW!

She will be sweet 16 next month. Sweet is not quite what I would apply to describe her right about now (pulling hair out) none the less she is my beautiful daughter inside and out when she is HERSELF.
Yes, she is young to graduate. Her bday fell just before the date limit so she has always been among the youngest in her class.
Also, the system is different here in Quebec Canada. They do not go from 1st grade to 12th grade. Here it goes....1st to 6th elementary. Then they start the numbers over and again and go from Secondary 1st to 5th. So she is going into Secondary 5 this year and they graduate. College comes after that.
Don't ask why, it just is lol.

I know some places in the states started school weeks ago already. Here in Canada they all start around now give or take a few days.
When do your children start school?
How does it make u feel? Happy, sad or both lol?

Out of FODDER?

I am seriously at a loss. Since around January, I had my wedding preparations to blog about..all the little details and the big.

Then the wedding ofcourse.

After that, the brief but beautiful honeymoon a few weeks ago.

Chris' Canadian citizenship swearing in.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO BLOG ABOUT NOW!!! I HAVE MILKED IT ALL DRY!

Do I want to resume the adventures of talking to my blind mute boarder? Atleast he doesn't interupt when I talk...so what if he opens his mouth to eat when I approach him. He opens his mouth when I say PILLS...cause I give him his pills in a spoon full of yogourt....Well, he would open his mouth if I said HIPPOPOTAMUS instead but hey ..I think its kinda cute, makes me smile.

If I am offending anyone by talking about my border and his deficiencies...it is not my intention. This is my way to share what some of my day to day life is, living and caring for such a severely handicapped person 24/7...365 days of the yr. You try doing that and not need to let off abit of steam. I try with humour or sometimes it comes out with frustration...but usually towards the *team of paper pushers I have to deal with in acordance to my caring for my blind guy and my other gentleman who lives with us who is high functioning.

So here is a convo I had with my other gentlemans case worker this week.

I had to fill out paperwork for Rays school/learning adult classes. Most times I have to sign as the one responsible in a general sense as his care giver/foster family.
One question stood out on the medical sheet asking Who is his LEGAL gardian...or signer incase of an emergency?
This I am NOT...it has never been an issue before..since all my former boarders had parents. My blind guy is under the Public Curator..but Ray isn't and he has no parents.
He has one brother but they spend 2 whole hours at xmas time with him and thats it.

So I ask the caseworker who says...

HER...Hmmmm I don't know. (big surprise)
Maybe it's u?
ME....No it's not me, I am his care giver (inward eye roll here)
HER...Or his brother? (start biting the inside of my mouth to feel pain)
ME....Ok, could be but it would be important to know either way don't u think?
HER...Well given he is high functioning and he can talk...maybe he can be responsible to make any decision?

ME....(TAKING A BIG BREATH TO REMAIN CALM)....UM (her name) I agree that he is highfunctioning but he lives in a foster care home because he is UNABLE to care for himself. If he could make said major decisions, wouldn't he be able to care for himself? Also, he talks yes, but ppl who don't know him have no idea what he is saying because of his diction disability..and when he is unsure of anything Ray ALWAYS says YES...(remaining calm on the outside while screaming ARE U FUCKING DAFT!! on the inside) I would even bet that if they told Ray that they wanted to remove his penis and stick it in his ear just for the fun of it, he would smile and say YES OK.

HER....Hmmm uh, yeah, I think u may be right.

THIS! is the kind of ppl I have to work with...Who are actually the same ppl who supervise, advise and /or makes sure I do my job correctly. I wonder when they figure out how TO DO THEIR OWN....

This is the same caseworker that held up her arm to ask a question at a medical conference of caseworkers and foster families and asked;
Does Schizophrenia fall under the heading of medical problem?... (I swear to god I kicked my friend under the table and bit my tongue to not laugh out loud)

NUFF SAID!

PS...Someone asked in comments if I got the answer to my question. Not yet, the caseworker has to ask the Social Worker who may have to ask another and so on and so on and so on...

THE BOOK HAS ARRIVED!

We finally recieved the wedding book my sister put together for us. It really is unlike anything I have ever seen before. A new take on the traditional wedding album of old. This is a real book. It isn't huge or bulky either, it's only 7'' by 7'' and has about 14 pages but with photo's on all sides...I will stop writting about it now and show u this cool book......



Please bare in mind that the photo's in the book are clear and prestine...do not judge their quality by the photos I took of the pages with my video camera still image option..they do not begin to compare lol.


I love the back cover pic...it just seems so perfect for one and for once the pretty inside of a shoe is finally noticed lol.

Have u seen photo books like this before? It's a first for me but my sister has a photographer coleague of hers that has put many of these together before.
What do you think?....I think it's unique and just plain adorable.

BATHTUB FIREWORKS!...

It's not what u think ya pervs....yes it was my honeymoon but like I would write about THOSE kind of details!

Our trip was a long 10 hours but we took our time. When we finally checked in we glad to finally have arrived. We got to the room and as I wrote about our lovely room on a previous post..we were blown away by the room and its awesome view.

We took the time to unpack and get settle in before freshening up for a nice late but leizurely dinner in the hotel at their Steak House (Keg) resturant. We were tired but happy and felt like we had all the time in the world.

We enjoyed the meal, it was great. We took a strole around the hotel to check everything out. On the 9th floor where the resturant was, there was also the Atrium where we were to recieve a free cocktail every evening during out stay. There was also the pool and spa area on the same floor.

Lobby level was very nice and had a Coffee shop and a Keg Bar and had a TGIFridays resturant along with a nice Gift Shop. Not to forget also the Attractions Tourist Desk for all your tourist needs and packages lol.

We made it back up to our room, by this time impatient to try out the jacuzzi tub for two! To let it just take away our days fatique to be trapped in the bubbles and wisked down the drain lol.

It was dark outside but with a view like that and being on the 26th floor we left the drapes wide open. They light up the falls at night with different coloured spot lights..its beautiful.

We dimmed the lights way low and both sunk into the bliss of the tub with its jets at full strength. Lying back with a deep sigh of pure enjoyment and luxury. AHHHH this is the life!

From the corner of my barely open eye, I notice some flickers of light on the wall. I sit up abit and turn my head to behold quite a sight.

Right there in front of our eyes, at room level..we see FIREWORKS!...YES FIREWORKS AS BEAUTIFUL AND SPECTACULAR AS EVER...RIGHT THERE in front of our window and we are seeing all this FROM OUR BATHTUB!!!.....HOW COOL IS THAT?!

Needless to say we were both AGOG...with wonder. It will be a precious memory for the rest of our lives...to have BATHTUB FIREWORKS on our first honeymoon night.

PS, the pic above was not taken that first night, but u see the window from the bathtub...imagine it all lit up with fireworks outside.

Have you ever had something totally unexpected happen to u that blew u away in your life that makes u smile when u remember it?

CANADIAN TO BE OR NOT TO BE?...EDITED!

Two years ago Chris applied for Canadian Citizenship. Although we knew we would eventually get married at the time he still wanted to apply by his own means. Married to a canadian or not, wouldn't have changed a whole lot. With his permanent working visa, he could live here all his life if he wanted but this way he retains his French citizenship but can add a Canadian one to his name AND he will be allowed to vote as a canadian.

Cool part is that after being married to him for 3 years, I too can apply for French citizenship, even without living in France. I will apply for sure, how many ppl get that chance.

He was accepted for the process about a year ago. It was just a matter of recieving more papers indicating when he was to pass the citizenship test.

When we got back from our Honeymoon we sifted through the pile of mail that had accumulated while we were gone. Amongst the envelopes was the Test date! Thursday 17th at 8:30am. Which is TOMORROW!

He has been studying for the past 3 days. He had recieved a book for that reason a yr ago when he was initialy accepted.

I have no doubt that he will pass...(no pressure right) lol...I will let u know. I sure hope they let him and others know the same day and not let ppl wait needlessly for nothing.

When it's all said and done...our 2 votes will be better then one in the future. We are very similar in our political beliefs so it will be cool to vote together.

If you could have dual citizenship..what would it be? and why?
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JUST IN.....It is now noon Thursday 17th Aug....he just finished..YES IT WAS A LONG WAIT FOR HIS CALL!
HE PASSED WITH FLYING COLOURS! WHOOO HOOO CHRIS IS NOW CANADIAN!!! and French ofcourse but now HE CAN VOTE!!

They actually write the test..(he got everything right) Like I didn't already know that sheesh....then they correct the test then wait till it's done for everyone else.
They were 62 ppl from 31 different countries....that's pretty incredible..he was amazed himself.
After all the preliminaries, they actually do the whole ceremony then and there. They are sworn in by a judge as Canadians and sing the National Anthem and get their certificates all in the same day as the test. So IT'S DONE!...
He can apply for his Canadian passport now aswell. I have to get mine too lol.

HOW COOL IS THAT EH?!

The GOOBER Pic

Pic they take before we go in the tunnels behind the falls.
Originally uploaded by moonbin.

Yup, here it is..the GOOBER pic, we all have them, and on every vacation or photo fest, there is always THE GOOBER PIC.. This is ours. We both hate this pic lol, but it's also THE ONLY pic of us together on our Honeymoon!...We took pics and lots of video but never got anyone to take a pic of us. This was the pic they took when u go for the Behind the Falls tour. Then if u like it you pay for it at the end of your visit...yeah they get ya anyway they can lol...So this is labeled the Quentisential Tourist Photo...

This is where we went after that first pic was taken. Yes we had those cute yellow bags on ....Chris even made reference to maybe wearing them while naked later in the Hotel room...TMI...I know lol..what a nutbar...and IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!..

Getting back to the view...it was really something to behold standing inside the core and just outside the falls...the sound is something else to be impressed with. It really is a wonder I will never forget.

Till next post..

All we can say is WOW!!

Niagara Falls from our room
Originally uploaded by moonbin.

What a view!

We arrived around 5pm..it took about 10 hours in all but that was taking our time. Stopped for breakfast then a late lunch and enjoyed the drive.

Got to the hotel and still hadn't seen a glimse of the falls. We check in and we are told we could have an upgrade for abit more. Our original room was a partial view on 12th floor..but with my jacuzzi bath! Less then 300$ per night. Still a nice view ..but for 50$ more we could have the Junior Presidential Suite with a totally full view from the 26th floor. THAT we could do. (I researched most of the nice hotels in the area and booked our room, I knew that this upgraded room's price was in the $800 per night range tax included! hense not even considering it in a million yrs!)so it was a great value at that price and it was OUR HONEYMOON!

We unlocked our room to find ourselves in a living room area, had couch, chair, table & lamp with a big bureau and tv along with a nice big desk and closet. We walked down the short hall past the bar area and bathroom...to stop.

We wanted to see the falls in the same moment hand in hand for the first time together. With excited anticipation we walked to the huge window and let our JAWS DROP!
OMG! WHAT A VIEW WE HAD.....as the title says...All we could say was WOW!

What a great start to our honeymoon. We were giddy just being there and knowing we had 4 days...no 5! days alone to do with what ever we wanted. We ended up being able to steal an extra day because he was able to get the friday off and we got the same rate on our room for an extra night. It really made a difference to have another day.

And so it begins...I will continue this in a day or two....in the mean time, go have a look at the pics I put in Flickr over there----->

EDIT...Ppl have gotten the wrong idea that I am currently ON MY HONEYMOON...We got back Friday actually...my reference to ...(And so it begins)...refers to my reliving it through my blog lol...
Do you really think we turned on the computer DURING OUR HONEYMOON?!...HELL NO! LOL ..I will however enjoy reliving it through my blog for the next few posts lol.

THIS TIME TOMORROW!!

We should be arriving in Niagara Falls permitting we leave early like we plan. It takes aprox 6 hours to get there. I will be hard pressed to sleep tonight thats for sure.

I found another great photo to post on here. Hopefully we will have some of our own cool photos to post when we get back. Chris has to work on Friday so we should be back Thursday evening. I hope to update my blog with pics on Friday.

I am as giddy as the night before our wedding....well maybe not quite that much lol. We certainly CAN'T WAIT. Chris is at work till 9pm tonight so today I will get the packing done. I have a negligee I bought before the wedding that he hasn't seen, it needed some small alterations that I never got done. I can get that done before he gets home. Get it packed away in the suitcase along with the other new one he hasn't see hehe.

I mustn't forget the Bubble Bath Body Paint and the silly coloured Soap Foam Kit we got as a joke before the wedding....OH and also the...............

I better stop now before this gets out of hand..............(Walks off to search the cubboards for the chocolate syrup)

BIG BUBBLE BATH, HERE WE COME

T-MINUS 2.5 DAYS untill we leave for OUR HONEYMOON! Niagara Falls here we come! OMG I can't wait.

I thought this arial shot ontop of the falls was pretty cool. Over on the left of the pic, where u see some very tall, magestic hotels with awesomes views of the falls? Our hotel is one of them heehee, and our room will have that spectacular view! I CAN'T WAIT! I CAN'T WAIT!

It will be so nice to actually leave for 4 days. We have already filled the menu needs of the sitter. Got all our banking done. Got my nails done. Getting my hair touched up tonight.

Chris is working all weekend so we got most done yesterday. I am in the throws of laundry so all I have left to do is pack over the weekend. Last time we were gone was our wedding night in June. Needless to say, that went by in a flash lol. Time before that was last yr when we went on holiday to see family in western Canada.

Although this will be short, it will certainly be SWEET. Very well deserved for both of us too.

I think I will start counting the minutes now lol.

IN THE DARK

Summer time TV ...is an oxymorn...there is NOTHING good on tv during the summer. Thats ok, we shouldn't be sitting infront of the tube if its nice out anyway BUT..summer is also the time we actually rent movies more then any other time of the yr. Given we can't get out much with the clients we have here, it makes for some good movie night entertainment. So......

Last night we sat down around 9pm to start our movie line up. We were barely into the first one when we got hit by yet another thunder storm. This season we have been riddles with them. This one was a DOOZY though....Let me add that the past 2 days have been record breaking highs in heat and humidity...we were at 47C with the humidex yesterday...for u americans out there, that is aprox 113F...it's fricken rediculous is what it is. We are lucky because we have A/C but there are so many ppl that don't who were suffering all over.

I have seen many thunder and lightening storms in my day but this one was the worse bar none. Usually when they hit, u see a lightshow with flashes and thunder claps for 5, 10 even 15 minutes...with pouring rain then its over...well this puppy went on and on for over an out with the brightest constant lightshow we have ever seen...there were 100 mph winds that had our trees dancing and lots of rain ofcourse. Within 10 minutes of it starting our electricity flashed a few times then just went dead. We lit some candles, watched and waited through the storm. When the lights didn't come back on, we got the radio out. I recommend one of these for any household. It is a crank radio, so even if you don't have any batteries, it will work just by cranking it. We also have a cpl flashlights that work on the same principle. I think they are a must for any home. We had candles going too ofcourse lol.

Radio informed us that there was flooding in Montreal and some area's and over 265,ooo ppl without power. Lines were down and it would be some time before some ppl would get it back.

We got our power back 16 hours later lol. I am thankfull it wasn't longer. We have did NOT open the freezer downstairs to conserve the cold and we kept the house cool by not opening up windows. It could have been worse..ALOT worse. We are lucky but it sure puts things in perspective when u loose all power. I will continue to add what ever tool I can to our OUT OF POWER moments.

I write this now but another storm has started, its raining HEAVILY and filling up the street outfront. I think I will start crossing my fingers and toes. Wish us luck we don't lose it again lol.

LOOK AT DAT FACEEEEE!

This is Keyser...a border collie puppy. Isn't he adorable?...He belongs to my sister Brigitte..They just got him last week so she has been very busy trying to teach and train him. Border Collies are very smart so u have to start showing them the right behavior patterns as soon as possible. They can be a total hand full if u don't keep them busy..because they are curious and smart they can get into heeps of trouble in no time lol...yes intelligence can be a blessing and a curse lol.

We were hoping that my daughter would go spend some time at my sister's during this summer..up till now it has been with the idea of her being an assistant for sis, during whatever photo shoots she may have etc but now we are trying to focus on her helping with the puppy...we think...hope, she will go...atleast for a few days..and if she likes it we could bring her back for a week before school starts. Right now we are focussing on the time we will be in Niagara Falls, that way we drop her off in Ottawa on our way and pick her up on the way back. For me atleast it means 4 days away from her friends and any drugs.

Her dad is like...well u can't force her bla bla bla, I know that for god sakes, but I am using every tool I have to get her there anyway. He isn't really helping.

He brings her to his house this week..and ONE day later calls me in the evening to say, Cleo just phoned to ask if she could sleep over at her friends house....WELL DUH! I say..ofcourse not. He says, I thought so too but I told her I would call u first...........Jasus, lets make me the bad guy ALWAYS!...Not only did I make the guidelines and enforse them for the 3 past weeks (and he didn't call once to see how she was doing) But it takes less then a day at his house for him to call me. We had gone over the curfew to make sure we were on the same page the day before. Sheesh.
I swear he couldn't grow a pair of balls to save his own life.

He also let me know on Sunday that he had reserved a night out of town for them, (his gf, daughter and her cousin) on a lake or river place etc...and coming back late wed. I looked at him ...I told you we had a councelling session on wed. He's like, you didnt tell me. I said, I told u last week. Yeah he says...u told me it was last week, not another one this week.....WHAT THE FUCK? DO you really think councelling is for one or two times and all it good, we are done? JASUS... but then, how would he know, he hasn't gone himself yet, oh oh but he says that he DID TRY to make an appointment weeks ago and the scheduling didnt work out....AND? THAT WAS WEEKS AGO!

Now during our convo his gf is in the background hearing his side of it, and I hear her putting in her 2 cents worth..and even says, well aren't they going to NIAGARA FALLS NEXT WEEK? They will be cancelling the session then too arent they? She is USING a sarcastic *TONE*....I hear this and just let it rip, lol, I told Michel that he better muzzle that bitch so she shuts the fuck up before talking about something she knows nothing about! Michel and I had already made arrangements for that week, between us, in the event that Cleo doesn't go to my sisters. So the stupid bitch had no right to add her comments to the mix!.........I was already mad enough at him, I didn't need to hear her assinine comments added to it. AND TOLD HIM SO!

Can you glean the fact that I am a little frustrated with the ASSHAT?..IT gets better. I tell him I will try to reschedule the session for tues morning (this morning) because he is only leaving in the afternoon for this trip. I get a call from the centre, they are both able to take us at 11am. It is now 10am. So I call my daughter, wake her up and tell her to get dressed we are able to go this morning. She is not happy to say the least but says she will get ready. I jump in the shower myself in record time I am ready. Drive over there and as I am waiting in the driveway waiting for her, her dad comes out, and asks whats going on. I am not surprised that Cleo didnt tell him, so I do. He then says, OK ..but they may not be leaving now anyway...It's supposed to rain! OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD...SO FUCKING WHAT...wasn't the point just to go do something with her anyway?...ARG!

Here again I am...trying to do my part, making Cleo totally perturbed with me on top of it all, and him nonchalantly mentioning this in passing. No wonder I have high blood pressure now.

Good news is that we went. Chris stayed home with the clients ofcourse. No time for a sitter. Cleo had a session, although pissed off, I am glad she connected again with her counceller. Specially given that she won't be seeing her next week.

So now....I have also vented my frustrations...with the counceller and here...and to top that off, I want some icecream.....For those of you out there reading..I am both sorry and thankfull lol...Please bare with me...I WILL SURVIVE EVEN IF IT KILLS ME LOL....I am now off to forage for icecream...if that doesn't work...theres a Dairy Stand cpl blocks away...

Antique Heirloom

I mentioned on a previous post how Chris' mom gave me a ring. Before leaving France to be here for the wedding, I asked Chris to ask his mom if she had anything old in her jewelry box that I could borrow to wear on my wedding day.

She brought a small box of trinkettes..each piece different from the other..a religious medal, a brouch, a pin and a ring. The ring was the nicest thing in there and because I have small fingers it fit my ring finger on the right hand. As u can see on the photo, it has 3 stones in the middle and a circle of tiny pearls all around. It was missing one of the pearls but I didn't mind. It really wasn't noticable and besides it was about wearing it on my wedding day as part of a tradition. I was just glad I had something from Chris' side of the family to wear on my wedding day.

The day after the wedding I made sure to put the ring back in a small box to return it to my motherinlaw as soon as possible. I felt bad because in the wearing, it lost 2 more of the tiny pearls. She looked at me surprised when I gave it back, she said that I must have misunderstood. The ring was for me to keep! I was so surprised. Had I known that I would never have chosen the ring. She was adamant and then went on to tell me that it was her great grandmothers ring! Also the ring was over 150 yrs old!!! OH Lordy!! I was so touched that she would give me something so precious.

After they left Canada, we took it to our jeweler..the same who made our wedding rings. She took one look at the ring under her microscope and said WOW.. this is a nice antique ring. She rarely saw rose cut diamonds aswell. I didn't know what the stones in the middle were. She explained that they were indeed diamonds but they were what they called ROSE CUT because it was BEFORE they started cutting diamonds the way they do now with precise symmetrical cuts that make them sparkle more...She said we had a nice piece here , very precious in terms of it's history and workmanship. She also said she would be able to replace the pearls and clean it up some.

As you can see, she did a great job. Replaced the tiny pearls..which was not easy, she had to find some to match. She also reglued the existing ones so they wouldn't just pop off and polished the gold. I was also told to only wear it on special occasions. It is a VERY old ring after all lol. So we took this pic to send it to Chris' mom so she can see that I got it repaired. I think she will be pleased.

UP UP IN THE SKY ...

They went...Chris and Cleo.
In this small plane. Cleo wanted to go along for Chris' first flying lessen. We think she got the bug herself. She loved every minute of it. Chris said you should have seen the look on her face when he asked what the age limit was to take flying lessons. Her grin was from ear to ear when the guy informed them that a person could start at the age of 14. ...Needless to say, we will have to think about it. If it's something she REALLY wants..or has a passion for, it could come in handy for the future as an incentive to work towards....
She had fun getting this flight on videotape so I could see some of it. If you are wondering why I wasn't there well...as often as I have flown in my life..(maybe 30 times or more) as much as I appreciate the convenience, I really don't like to fly. I steel myself through any flight (with what looks like outward calm) but untill I actually get to my destinations, I do not BREATH with ease. Hense, if I have a choice, I chose NOT to fly lol. But my fears would never prohibit Chris (or Cleo for that matter) from pursueing a dream of flying.

As for Chris...WELL!! HE LOVED EVERY SECOND!... As soon as they landed, he called me and made sounds resembling euphoric glee and an orgasm all at once...I almost peed myself listening to him. Needless to say he was HAPPYYYY... He went on to tell me all about the flight. He did most of the flying and even landed the plane a few times. Please be assured that in no way were they in danger. The instructor was very vigilent. It actually helped Chris that he has been flying with a computor simulator for yrs. It helps alot in terms of knowing the instruments and such...but nothing can simulate the movement of the plane in the air with the wind factor or weather conditions among other things ofcourse.

We really hope to be able to continue his lessons with the objective of obtaining his liscence. It may take yrs but thats ok...it will be the fullfilling of a passion for Chris, no matter how long it takes.

BATHTUB BODY PAINTING OVER WATERFALLS

Title hard to understand? Bare with me lol.

Lots has happened this week...most important is that we all did an hour of councelling at the centre. We met up with same lady as before but my daughter met her counceller person..so she had her first session...the even better news is that she agreed to go back YAY!..I honestly think it was a matter of not wanting to be rude by saying no to her councellor when asked...and hey If IT WORKS.. who cares lol.....we go back next week.

We were supposed to go to La Ronde afterwards but her cousin couldn't come and her friend was busy also so we will try to go another time. We did have a good lunch after the session though. I didn't pry, but she seemed in a good mood...

Other news......A dear friend of ours had heart surgery for Supraventricular Tachycardias - SVT...on Wednesday...She explains it all here. .... The electric system of her heart would go screwy and it was NOT a good thing to have or live through. I could not begin to understand. I can only go by what she has tryed to explain to us about how it felt and how scary it was everytime it happened. ...They had postponed the surgery once already so needless to say we are glad it was finally done this week. We love you Rae. BIG HUGS!
!!
Chris and I really NEED a break. At the moment he is on holiday from work for another week which is nice but we still can't do much because of our borders. I desperately have to get out of the house for a few days atleast.

With all the stress of late...my shoulder muscles have become so tight that there are moments I can barely stand the pain. We had not made any honeymoon plans up till now. We were not sure we could afford one frankly. After paying for the wedding, we were inclined to think it would be sometime this winter if lucky.

We thought about it and made the decision that we NEEDED to get away, even if it's only 4 days. We have to do it after his vacation is over but we can still go from Mon. to Thurs in the 2nd week of Aug.

WHOOOOO HOOOO HONEYMOON ....HERE WE COME........

I can't wait!....The funny thing is .....I have lived in 6...yes count them...6 Provinces in Canada...even Toronto for a whole year and NOT seen the NIAGRA FALLS.

So we are off for 4 days, 3 luxurious nights to the honeymoon capital of Canada....We will be at The Embassy Suites Niagra Falls Hotel My only stipulation to luxury was to have a 2 person jacuzzi or whirlpool tub in our room. Well ofcourse that means u are in a whole other bracket of rooms but hey ITS MY HONEYMOON.... We want to have fun, be silly and make memories....hense my dire need to find a set of water colour body paints hehe....I will let u use your own imagination at this point, but don't forget to add the view of the magestic niagra falls through the window while lounging in the tub hehe.

Yesterday, we went out and got the paintset and a bathing suit for Chris. The hotel boasts a spa and swimming pool aswell and since we don't have a pool at home we plan on getting some swimming in for sure.

A supper added bonus is if everything goes well, we will be able to meet up with a chat buddy we have known for yrs...Sue lives in ontario so it will be awesome to meet her in the flesh after all these years!....We also hope to see our other friends from the internet, Rae and her man Ry during our stay, they have made the trip here so its cool that it's our turn.

I am so excited and it's so fun to look forward too. I am so glad we decided to do this now. It will do us so much good for so many reasons. Who knows....maybe bodypainting over the falls will soften up these tight shoulder blades.

PS....I just added my Flickr Photo site over there to the right for easier access...>
I have also added a bunch more pics recieved from my disposable cameras and others who sent me their digitals. Just click and it will bring u to the pics.

Maintaining Sanity

Things have been livable in the past week. My daughter has been holding up her part of the bargain and been in early every evening. It helps that she has to be up early to catch the bus at 6:30 am for school. Nonetheless it has calmed things down. We have also tryed to keep things on an open note, also encouraging doing a few things together. We took her and her cousin out Thurs to go do some shopping, have supper out and take in a movie. It was a pretty good day. Cleo even found a cpl pieces of clothes she loved so I got them for her. Keep in mind, she hates to shop, it has always been like pulling teeth lol.

It was a very positive day for many reasons. She needs to have those with us as much as we have to be firm parents aswell.

We rented a bunch of movies last night and stayed up late watching them. Today Chris took both girls to a place called Arbraska ...they have wanted to go for ages. It's one of those forest sites where u do climbing, suspension bridges and pully systems from one tree to another etc...It has 5 different levels of difficulty...they started with the easy but Chantal copped out after a short time, she isn't really the sporty type so opted to sit it all out instead...oh well it was the thought that counted lol.....they refunded the entrance fee atleast which was close to $30....Chris and Cleo went for the Extreme level and they both had a ball. Cleo was afraid at a few places but forged ahead....they arrived home, happily exhausted and drenched with sweat and very hungry lol.

Tomorrow will be a quiet day but Tuesday, we ALL.. me, Chris and Cleo go to that councelling place. She will be meeting her advocat /councellor..Hope that goes well. We planned to go to La Ronde in Montreal after that. It is a theme park with rides and such. It will round out the day and fun will be had by all lol. Hopefully.
I look forward to all of it. Will keep you posted.

TALK ABOUT PERSPECTIVE!

I was sent this in an email by a friend. I just had to share it. The more I read down, the more I was totally blown away. Putting mankind in perspective this way, really makes it easier to comprehend and realize how lucky I am or you are. Please take a moment to see for yourself by reading this.

MANKIND:


This is quite an eye opening...
If we could reduce the worlds' population to a village of precisely 100people, with all existing human ratios remaining the same, the demographicswould look something like this:
60 Asians
12 Europeans
5 US Americans and Canadians
8 Latin Americans
14 Africans?

---------------------------------------
49 would be female
51 would be male

----------------------------------------

82 would be non-white
18 white

---------------------------------------

89 heterosexual
11 homosexual

-----------------------------------------

33 would be Christian
67 would be non-Christian

-------------------------------------------------

* 5 would control 32% of the entire worlds wealth, and all of themwould be US citizens?

* 80 would live in substandard housing?

* 24 would not have any electricity (And of the 76% that do have electricity, most would only use it for lightat night.)

* 67 would be unable to read?

* 1 (only one) would have a college education.

* 50 would be malnourished and 1 dying of starvation?

* 33 would be without access to a safe water supply?

* 1 would have HIV?

* 1 near death

* 2 would be near birth

* 7 people would have access to the Internet

If? you take a look at the world from this condensed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes evident.
Think of it!
If you woke up this morning with more health than sickness, you are luckier than the million that will not survive this week.

* If you have never experienced a war,

* the loneliness of an imprisonment,

* the agony of tortures

* or famine

You are happier, than 500 million persons in this world.
If you are able to go to church, mosque or synagogue without fear ofharassment, arrest, torture or death, you are happier, than 3 billion persons in this world.
* If there is a meal in your refrigerator

* if you are dressed and have shoes

* if you have a bed and a roof?over your head

...you are better off, than 75% of people in this world.

If your parents are still alive and still married, then you are a rarity.

* If you have a bank account

* some money in your purse

* and there is something in your coin box

...you belong to 8% of well-provided people in this world.

If you read this text, you are blessed three times as much, because...
1. Someone has thought of you

2. You do not belong to those 2 billion people that cannot read

3. and... you have a computer

Someone once said:
* Work like you don't need money,

* Love like you've never been hurt,

* Dance like nobody's watching,

* Sing like nobody's listening.

* Be surprised, like you were born yesterday.

* Tell the truth and you don't have to remember anything,

* Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

This is your World!
And you are able to make changes!
Hasten to do good works!
Think of it!

STILL AFRAID BUT LESS LOST.......HOPEFULLY

I am amazed at how many ppl took the time to comment. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Your support, advise and kindness will and has served a big purpose. We have recieved invaluable information and ideas.

After the night out and cops fiasco, she calmed down somewhat. I realize the calms between storms will be short lived but atleast we catch up on sleep during those moments.

It is also during those down times that some of the conversations seem less sermin-y and more mutual talks persay. I also do not fool myself in thinking its all sinking in and any teen knows how to say the right things at the right time when it serves their purpose...BUT... here again, in order to do that, they have to listen to most of what u say in the moment.....Every little word counts.

We had her cousin Chantal here for a few days, they are very close and Chantal thankfully isnt into the drug scene...she is abit older then my daughter aswell and she likes to spend time here. We took the girls downtown Montreal on thursday. It was an awesome day. Sunny and not humid. St. Catherine St. is the main strip in Montreal and a place we rarely go but they wanted to and it is also where the Jazz Festival is held. Some streets blocked off and hords of ppl. So we walked around, shopped abit, and listened to some jazz. Just being out together without the black cloud of the last weeks was what we needed. It disapated the tension and we had some fun. It was later that night at home that we were able to have a pretty decent conversation as I was saying above.

We have put down some ground rules...I for once am so thankfull she has 3 weeks of summer classes to get her credits and start her last yr of highschool with a clean slate.

It will mean having to take the bus to another school, at 6:30 am to be there for 8am...meaning she will be up at the butt crack of dawn to get ready...school is till 1pm...so she will be busy 5 days a week for 3 weeks. Just that will cut into *friends* time and the new rules start tomorrow (monday) that she has to be here for supper and be in the house by 8: pm every night....if she does that constantly for a week, I will add 30 mins.

She gets it, also thinks it sucks lol...but like I told her, she burned all her bridges in no time, so now she has to build up our trust in her all over again. Make better choices and come to the councelling sessions we are starting on the 18th.

Among other things, we have been taking note off all the phone numbers that call here and making a list of friends we don't know. We also got rid of the alcohol in the house...we rent a storage place so its all there now. We also took the handles off her bedroom windows and changed the alarm code for the house. We check her room often for anything and her purse also...anytime she leaves it unattended.

These are all small steps but they are paramount and fruitfull. Some of these very ideas come from total strangers that took the time to comment...and even keep in touch.

It is ppl like these that help us keep the faith in human kindness during a time of disparity . The support and the understanding. But mostly the parents who shared their own experiences and heartbreak are the only ones who totally understand what it is to go through this. I thank you for opening up your hearts to write about something so difficult and personal.

I know this roller coaster ride is just beginning....and as I was writting this, my daughter who was at her friends house till she had to go to her weekend kitchen job in a resturant...called to say she didn't feel well and wasn't going in. ....I told her that was find, but....... 1. She had to let the Resturant know.
2. She had to get her arse home, pronto.
She said..but school isn't till tomorrow mom....Yes, but the only reason, the 8pm curfew wasn't in effect weekends, is because u work till 10pm..so if your to ill to work, your too ill to be out with friends...period.
She came home and called the resturant......thankfully.

So ...the games begin, end and stay aloft all at the same time lol. Man, we parents sure have to keep alert and on our toes. I will keep updating as things progress and strategies either work or turn out to be duds. Keep up the support and let me know what your thoughts are along the way........hugs to all.

UTTERLY LOST AND TERRIFIED

Words can hardly discribe what a parent goes through when they are faced with the nightmare of their child turning into someone they don't know.

My beautiful, kind, funny, goofy daughter has left the building. In her stead is someone who resembles her but has an empty look in her eyes, a different attitude in her demeanor and a cold tone to her voice.

We knew the teen yrs would not be easy, god knows we were also there once...Under different circumstances I was on my own in an apartment at 16 but that is a whole other post for another day.

The fact is, my daughter has met a whole new crowd...not a very healthy one at that. This happened less then 2 months ago so we started dealing with issues weeks ago. I was blogging about the wedding plans and all but among the joys of that I was dealing with a knot in my stumache concerning other things going on.

She started getting stoned, I saw it almost immediately. They think we parents are totally clueless...they can't fathom that we were once that age or that we can also be in the *know* about a few more things then them.

We then found stuff* hidden in her room. Harder then just pot. I would like to be able to blame the New Friends..and make them responsible for all that is happening with my daughter...they sure have helped BUT she made her own choices here. No one forsed her.

We consulted our friend who is a cop about how to proceed. He has even spoken to schools and parents about drugs and trouble in the past. He had a few good pieces of advise. ...My first instincts were to lock her in a room and swallow the key...and its the last thing I should do. He urged that we talk, we try to discuss, we keep the lines of comunications open, rather then closing them right off the bat. He was kind and caring towards us in explaining that it happens to the best of families. That there are steps that can be taken and tools to gather. I just keep asking myself where we went wrong. I have had the wind knocked out of me...and Chris is at my side trying to breath also. He has grown to love my daughter. My daughter's father has been late in the gate...took him a few clues to realize where we were at...but started taking things seriously.

We all talked to her, each in our own time ...trying to stay calm and open to discussion. Trying to get across to her that we loved her, we were afraid with what is happening, we want to understand...we want to help in any way...and if there was anything we could do to get through these things together.

This was a few weeks before the wedding...I even told her that if in anyway, she had problems with me getting married, although she always got along great with Chris...and I thought it would make a difference, I would cancel everything in a heartbeat...nothing was more important then her.

I also said that we couldn't keep her away from her friends, but we hoped that she would make better decisions. Keep her wits about her...be carefull and not just do any drugs without thinking. If she had any questions, we would find the answers.....all this went in an ear...did it all stick?...who knows...like our friend said...she may not want to say a word, and she hardly did, but the important thing was to say them anyway.

I would also like to blame my daughter dad and his gf for my daughters run to drugs. But again I can't do that either..and again though, it has helped. For the past few yrs since his gf moved in, she seemed to like to be boss...my ex always avoided taking charge solet her do it...this just always alientated Cleo more from the Gf...and it started causing major comflicts...Cleo would try to talk to her dad but instead of listening, he would go into automatic *defending gf mode* and blaming Cleo...it got to a point where she consulted a psychologist at school. It seemed to help and after school was out, we were going to continue with another one outside the school (because she was not allowed to see students outside school)..but she had summer school last yr and then we were off to Alberta and Sask on vacation. She had a great time and things seemed to calm down. She didn't want to consult someone else at that point.

I tryed doing stuff with her and also tryed keeping her busy...for instance, she wanted dance lessons, she got them. She wanted to learn the piano, my dad bought her one and started lessons right away. She is very good....She lacks for nothing...part of me wonders if that could also be part of it. She isnt spoiled rotton. She never asked for clothes or money, she hates to shop so she isn't one of those but she also knows we are pleased to get her the few things she does want.

Yes, I am banging my head on the wall....Things have escalated at a very fast pace...in short order, she has lost total respect for us and any rules. Started coming in late, respond rudely, doesn't give a shit about anything. We , Chris and I got a meeting with a centre for Drug action and information in our area. We spent an hour talking about all this and will continue to get councelling on our part to uptain tools and information. We will also be getting Cleo in to see someone at the same time ...She would get her own advocate who she can talk to and who is by law required to keep what ever she says confidential. This is how we sold Cleo the idea, she kinds shrugged and said whatever...I hope that once in there , she will open up. These ppl are trained to know what to do, and hopefully she will want to continue. ...The real pity is that with everyones holidays, we cant go till the 18th.

Her dad means to go there to...but we have been trying to deal with this together...its not perfect but we are comunicating. Cpl weeks ago when she was late and called to say she was staying at a friends house, we said NO WAY.. he called me right away, and it being a night of celebration here in Quebec, thousands of youths and ppl were in a huge part to enjoy the festivities...I told my ex, to grab me in passing and we would go get her together. We did just that. Called her on the cell, told her we were there waiting at the icecream place etc etc...took her and 3 of her friends home. We won that battle together that night.

Already , things are going from bad to worse ...we tryed being open to having her friends over , even had 3 girls sleep over...our thoughts on that were, better here then out there...well, didnt take long to see that..it wasn't really helping...and by association...there were other characters showing up out of the blue...wanting to talk to the other girls etc...come to find out, that they robbed a house across the street...then came to talk to my daughters friend..then left with the bike of the other friend...leaving a pair of shoes they stole from across the street..as if to say, haha we stole your bike but here are shoes for u to walk with.

Through talking to our neighbour cop friend ...who knows the other neighbours...figured out that the shoes belonged to them and they had been robbed of other stuff...They did get all back, only because cops acted fast...it helped I think because we had called the police earlier to report the bike...it seemed to put 2 and 2 together....but we tryed later talking to Cleo about...ppl by association and the problems it could bring. It didn't seem to sink in.

The 2 main friends she has, don't seem to have any time to be in at home, one was here 3 days almost. I could not believe that a parent never called here to ask about her, or to even talk to me and check us out or ask our address. There is no way in hell my daughter would hang out or sleep somewhere I havent talked to first hand. I realize saying that still hasn't prevented what has happened anyway.....I am terrifyed for her.

We started putting our foot down about times and whereabouts. She started to abide by them. Actually coming in a few mins before....We figured out why...She snuck out of the house , from her dad's...but didnt have proof....Then she did it here too....she may have done it a few times but last night was the first I caught it. I had the intuition that I shouldn't go to sleep....I then later went into her room to bring her the dog...and as Cleo often sleeps buried under a mountain of clothes, I thought nothing of it at first, so plopped the dog on her bed and went to give her a kiss while she was sleeping...(cause frankly..its probably the only time I can do that these days)....She was MIA... checked window..was opened a crack with the screen off.

She had slipped out right under my nose....I was even in the living room all evening.
Called her dad, cryed ofcourse and then we agreed that the police should be called. It can only break a parents heart to have to call the cops on their own kid. ...Cops did the rounds, bla bla bla , it was 5:30 am when they picked her up walking home with her 2 friends. They had been drinking. She wasn't drunk at all but I could smell it.

I had to take another stance this time...I told her that if she cared so little for herself I was not about to give up on her regardless...that if I had to call the cops every night I would, if I had to call the numbers of the 2 friends houses to wake them up and be a pain in the ass whether they cared or not, I WOULD......that I had also given numbers from the cell phone bill to the cops of all the numbers I didn't know... with the few names I already new. I also said that I would do anything I could to try and understand what was going on with her, that I would not give up because I loved her. I would be there to help her anytime she needed me but we also wanted some respect. Pulling this crap was just not going to fly. We are on tender hooks now.

If I push to hard, she could run away and we have lost her. If we don't we still lose her.

Give and take with some tolerance thrown in only goes so far. I am walking on razors edge trying to figure out what to do. Thankfully after last night, she didn't leave the house today...I had to go to a hospital appointment with my blind guy and Chris was here today but she didn't try anything. I did manage to get a few hours sleep this morning...Chris worked from midnight to 8 am replacing someone lastnight while this ordeal was unfolding but we were on the phone alot. He took care of the clients this morning when he got home and went to bed after I left for the hospital.

He is gone to work the night shift again...I am steeling myself for another long night...will she ?, won't she?...That is the question.

I had some major experiences growing up and over the yrs...One could think that because of that you would be able to better deal with this kind of thing. As a parent, your objectivity flys out the window..your mind is blank or trying to just breath. I have always been a logical person. I am often the one ppl come to when faced with a problem. I don't know more then anyone else, don't get me wrong but I can often see things with logic that is harder for the person living it. I also try to see things from different perspectives or just find the thread of common sense we sometimes lose along the way. Having said that...this time...like I said...I am totally lost and terrified. I feel helpless and useless all while grasping at straws of help or wisdom.

I realize this has turned into a book....I needed to write it if to only get it off my chest....It is not easy to put on paper any negative writings about ones own child. I only do so in the hope that it can help me put things in some kind of cohesive perspective by writting it out. Hopefully, I can also recieve some helpful advise from anyone who has some out there. Some support or encouragent never hurt either.